Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

Newest updates for the week - It's been unbelievably hectic! I've been working 12 hour shifts the last few days just trying to get these reports out. If I can just get thru this week, I might survive!

The H front has been really tricky. I have still not initiated any texts, but H has been texting like crazy. I picked and chose the ones I responded to, but still tried to avoid being his conversational buddy, & tried to keep any texts short and quick. He asked me to lunch today to show me the new place they are looking at getting. I was tricky with the way I answered, that yes I would like to b/c I really want to see the place they are looking at. I think H picked up on that b/c he must have asked me to confirm lunch like 3 or 4 times over the past few days. Finally today comes and it turns out that this place wasn't open for lunch during the week, but asked if I still wanted to. I agreed. He bought me lunch and we talked about alot of things - mostly about the new place, S, and a little about us. He said for us, that he felt like I ruined him and how he could never be nor ever wanted to be married or in a serious R again. (I think he's being a little over dramtic like normal about that). My response - that's his choice, but he's missing out. He gave me some compliments like how I was the most trustworthy person he's ever known, but that I just stress him out too much (I pointed out that i was also the one to help relieve a lot of stress by helping him deal with all his issues - which he agreed). Another thing to note, he said that after I finished with this big project, I should take a day off and WE could take S out somewhere (this is something I had wanted to do before I learned of OW3). I just told him, "yeah, maybe" b/c I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I'm little torn b/c I want S to have a family and family time, but if we are not together, then will it just be confusing for him then? On the otherhand, this is the only life he has ever known - H has never lived with him nor ever will. I mentioned something about S not having a family, in which H responded "he'll be fine". I didn't say this but I should have - fine, in the sense of being thrown between two lives for the rest of his life going from house to house and divided holidays, possibly step parents and step siblings - yeah, sounds real great for him...

Finally to note, H tried to get firty with me, so I laid it out (but on the light side). I said I need 4 things from him 1)love 2)committment 3) food (our inside joke about always keeping me fed so I don't get grouchy) and then we can get to 4) sex. His comment, well, i did one of them (#3 - buying me lunch). Sorry! Not enough! I've really got to stick to my guns about 1 and 2 (particularly #2) by having complete committment to me and only me and no more OW's! Period. It's easy to type, but H is so good about wooing me. I haven't checked the logs, but I doubt he's stopped talking to OW3. On the other hand, he has been texting me alot, but it may just be b/c he sees that I'm slipping from his control.

So I don't know, I really don't know what to make of it all. It sounded so (well relatively) simple - H had OW3, didn't choose me,therefore end of our R = D train. Then he comes back & tries to jump back in my life again. I'm just getting tired of the games. I know he's still greatly struggling with his issues, but that can't be an excuse forever. Some day, he just needs to step it up and be a man. So I don't know what to do anymore. I'm going to continue with going dim, but I'm still trying to decide what level of firmness to go with H. Hmmm....