Just a quick documentation of feelings: I think I'm detached from H to the point where it would take a lot of work for me to build love back up for him. At some points now I wonder if I'm still in the game for the game's sake - this is probably detachment at work, but I've lost sight of being close to/intimate with my H again as the goal. In fact, I would say that I even hold contempt for him at times - not sure I like him, let alone love him. But who knows, if the fog lifted and he returned to his old self, maybe . . . but I've lost that sense of devastation and desperate longing for him. Only devastation is for the dismantling of the family my daughter is used to . . .
