New here, not sure where to start

[irishblessings]

Twink - this is AWESOME!

I love my old H
I took a vow and meant it
I don't need a D right now, because
I am not ready for another R, because
I need time and space, so that
I can heal and become whole again, so that
My next R, if any, will be better, whether with my H or not
Or
I know I'll be fine alone

ltaylor - one of the things that happened in counseling when my H first disclosed his secret life to me was that in planning for recovery we had to agree to a "narrow path" - in many ways, it is like if he had had a heart attack and our whole life would have needed to change - the way we eat, what we do, how much we do, etc. It became too much for him and he had to escape - which he did.
To "recover" from H's MLC - I've had to create a "narrow path" for myself - how much I do, with whom, how often, etc. But also, I've had to believe that I actually CAN recover. In addition - I have to work hard on myself right now so that I can forgive, learn, move forward, etc. I believe whole-heartedly that my H will eventually find his way out of his tunnel. Right now, maybe this isn't right - but I find myself standing outside or away from him - watching, like he's on a TV show - I am working really hard to separate or detach myself from what he does. Do I think he looks and acts like a fool right now? Yep - but I still love him (and I actually believe I'm the only one who really does right now) Do I think he has so much pain, grief, embarrassment, frustration, anger, etc. that his acting out has become his only coping mechanism? Yep - but when he hits rock bottom and needs help, I plan on being here for him.

Many of my friends and family think I am foolish - but honestly I'm not too worried about it. This is who I am and this is what I want to do with my life right now.

Everyone here believes that you have to find what works for you. If he was the most wonderful man in the world - what does he deserve? What if he did have a more accepted "diagnosis"? Would you stay with him? You have to believe that he is ill - who would choose the life he is choosing? There is something wrong with him - believe it and choose!