Year 3: The Long and Winding Road

[mishka422]

You are a wonderful dad Wii! Even my mom never did that for me when I was growing up. It was, "Gee, that stinks. I'm sorry. Now when are you going to pick up the groceries, dry cleaning, get gas, and do the laundry?"

What your brother is going through is one of the hardest things to face. How horrible to be confronted with his W engaged in sex with another man all in technicolor on what I assume is the family computer. I'm so sorry for him. He really does need to take swift action.

Hugs to you Wii. You are doing a wonderful job!!!!

[whatisis]

Thanks Mish, I think I did a wonderful job too! Now, D16 has now made up with BF and he has apparently agreed to be more "open minded" "less jealous" and "less arrogant". We'll see how well this works out! Oh well, I gave something to my daughter that will be with her forever, her Dad's love not just in words but in actions.

[whatisis]

Well, I'm off to work tomorrow, it's gotta be easier than the past two days! I also went to church tonight for bible study and got a compliment, "nice legs, Whatis!", from one of the Pastors, unfortunately it was the male Pastor...and damn him, he's married! I knew I should have skipped it tonight for the football game on TV!

[ImprovedRomeo]

You did amazing wii...it's so hard to see our kids suffer any kind of emotional or physical pain. It takes a lot of patience and understanding to feel their pain and then offer support. They'll always remember that you were there for them.

[SunFunOne]

You ARE a good dad, Wii! That is the right way to handle things but not always easy. For me - it has been going on for months so I just can't conjur up the spirit to dry her tears.

It is nice for your daughter that her BF and her are working on things.

Barb

[whatisis]

SFO, I'm sure after months and months of it the old empathy ducts start to run dry!
I will still encourage my daughter to spend time with girlfriends and grab a hobby. She's wanted to learn guitar and actually has one, our church has lessons for kids her age on Tuesday nights...it's a pipe dream but you never know! During our time together she wanted to talk religion, as her boyfriend makes fun of her because she's interested in Christianity. Finally, I gave her a copy of The Case For Christ (Student Edition) by Lee Strobel, I told her it would answer a lot of the questions she has asked. She actually took it and said it looked interesting. She's always been so anti- Christian around me, probably due to bf's opinions, but lately she has been talking about her interest in religion and is choosing to take a comparative religion course next year in school. Anyway, we made headway in a number of ways today.

[ClingingToHope]

Wii, what is the custody arrangement there and how has your relationship with your daughter evolved over time?

I'm still trying to live day-by-day, but I also want to look at the future and how I maintain the close relationship I have now on a part-time basis.

[whatisis]

CTH, I have my girls every second week but I also get them every Tuesday and wife gets them every Thursday. That way we have some connection with them on the week they are with the other. We live a few blocks away from each other so it works out well. The kids didn't have to adjust to a new community or school or anything like that. Wife has the family home and I a two bedroom apartment a few blocks away.
As far as R with my girls, it's quite good. Part of it is in that living with their mom is so much more taxing than living with me! But, I've always tried to be respectful and caring towards their life issues. When the youngests first hamster died in her hands I made sure that I took the time to comfort her and say "it must be really hard to watch something you love just die in your hands like that." She shook with tears and I held her. I've always tried to give their feelings respect and time. Never say "Ah, that's too bad" and walk away. I think that is how you will grow a good R with your kids CTH.
Btw, we always have dinner together at the dining room table, no TV or taking your plate elsewhere. We are family and we talk even if it's just for a few minutes.

[ClingingToHope]

That's the schedule I wanted, but she wanted to be primary custody. So I have them every other weekend, which is Friday, Saturday and Sunday night -- the Sunday night was key. She wanted me to have to bring them back Sundays. Plus I have them every Wednesday.

During this past school year, they took the bus home to my house every day, I spent an hour with them and then I dropped them at "the house" with an after school sitter.

That got tiring at times, but it meant I saw them 86 percent of the days.

So in a way I can't wait for school to start again.

[whatisis]

That's why I refused to leave the home until the SA was agreed to and signed. By leaving I would have been seen as abandoning the family and that wasn't going to happen! Probably most guys get arrangements like yours, my lawyer said I'd hit the jack pot. But my wife also knew that my kids needed me as much as her and wasn't going to interfere with that R. Again, I was lucky.