"i don't want my current situation to be permanent. i don't want the rest of my life to be like this."
It won't be. The situation you are in is only as permanent as you make it. The natural progression is going to happen. Hopefully no matter how it turns out you can put it behind you. This "stuff" will mold you.. again no matter how it turns out. This is a learning experience.
"yes. i am angry that i was forced into it and i never got to tear into him for doing this to me. and i'm being told that it doesn't matter at this point what i have to say. so i feel even more angry."
What does blowing up at him do for you? If this is something that you just need to get off your chest it is one thing. But you are going at it from the standpoint that your blowing up will somehow change his mind.. and make you feel better. While short term it will make you feel better.. now all you have done is blown up on him. What happens when the same feelings you have now come back? Do you blow up again? Does it become a cycle? Now.. changing his mind has a .0001% chance of happening. But what if you say all the right things and he says.. Oh sh1t.. I screwed up.. I want you back. Then what? You just live happily ever after?
"i am going to spend some time to really think about this statement. what was wrong with the draft statement posted on alt? too much anger?"
It was not heartfelt. It was just words. It was reactionary and full of finger pointing.
"i'm afraid i won't be able to handle it when i get served."
Well.. since day 1.. this is what I have been telling you to prepare for. You know it is coming.. you should be prepared.
"i have this sixth sense and for some reason, i believe it's coming."
Your "sixth sense" gets you in "trouble" alot. Knowing papers are coming is not a "sixth sense". It is just clear thinking. The day "someone" moves out.. I expect papers in that posters stitch. Sometimes "someone" is still in the house.. and I expect papers.
"i also believe he's reading these posts. i have spoke about filing. so he may try to beat me to it - it's all a game to him cuz he thinks i just want to win. Win what? like how childish."
Again.. if he is reading.. he is not gaining much ammo. If he wants to beat you to filing let him. Don't play the game. If he has to read this to find ways to get at you.. he still cares. He still wants to "hurt" you. He is just reacting to his emotions.
"i hope you will be back soon. i need to have a checkpoint meeting to gauge my progress and whether i am being effective."
I am reading.. I at least try and do that. I have to devote time to posting.. I can't do it on the fly. You have others posting good info too. I am not the end all be all.
I will check on you before I head to bed tonight. Which hopefully will be sometime before midnight.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
