WAW still around, DBing starting to work

[gutwrenching]

So - how has today been. Well, odd. We are both busy, she is being friendly, slightly distant. Not sure where her head is at, not worrying about it.

My big decision, and maybe this is a bit of journaling, is on the cross country trip. Do I let her go or tell her find a plane ticket. I am worried about her mental health which is the whole reason I dropped my boundary before. So a big part of me, says do the right thing, I could never live with myself if she hurt herself.

The DB thing to do is absolutely, telling her your decision, go deal with it, I don't need you around. She knows I don't need her around, she has told me that and it was a trigger to the low point of depression which led to the suicide thoughts.

We are so far down the road of this trip, it is also the easier thing to do, is press with that. That might not be the right thing to do. We are supposed to depart on MOnday. Still loading moving trucks, multiple dr appointments for kids, vehicle to drop off to get shipped, medical appointment for me, pack truck and trailer, make reservations along the way, and I could go on an on. Lots to be done and I'm already sleep deprived.

I still have boundary in place and re-iterated it today: we don't leave until she sees doctor for depression and guilt. She has called a couple of places, but is waiting on return calls. I also just re-iterated, we will pay even if not covered by our insurance. It is one visit, get the treatment started.