Her remark in a public place was inappropriate but I'm not angry with her. She only had what he told her to go on. He was obviously encouraging this type of talk and that shows me he is still out looking.
Donna, I'm not his WIFE. I'm not his wife. I'm not his anything. He's found a safe place and knows that I'm not going to kick him to the curb so he's playing house with me until he finds something better. I'm convinced of it. I truly believe at this point that he is not capable of having a R with anyone. He's beyond broken and I'm terribly sorry for him. He'll be miserable for the rest of his life going on like this.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
No, you're not his anything. You don't belong to him. You're divorced.
You are your own person. You are an individual with choices to make.
He's playing house with you because it was fun.
He's not looking for someone or something better. Frankly, if he's looking for anyone else, it's someone worse, someone to match his level of immature and selfish.
Stop putting yourself down like that.
It's his loss if he doesn't want to do the work to make a good R with you.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
What Michelle said, 100%. My counselor has come to the same conclusion in my case. My ex is not looking for something 'better', he is looking for something/someone who will play his little sex games and take the small pieces of himself that he wants to give away while he holds the rest back. That is definitely not someone "better" than me. And Gabe is not trolling for someone 'better' than you, either.
However you can always give him these conditions and watch him grow. Sounds like he is already taking some steps, deleting facebook, coming and apologizing to you a couple of weeks ago (when you were in bed, had taken the sleeping pill, and he came in crying), etc.
I think these men (and women in some cases) should be able to 'man up' on their own, but some of them seem to have no clue how it's done. Maybe your boundaries will help him get on the right track.
YOU are NOT a victim here. YOU CHOSE the current emotional risks. YOU CHOOSE whether or not to continue them. Are the potential payoffs worth risking the potential costs? YOUR CHOICE.
But, if you do CHOOSE to continue with Gabe, give yourself BOTH space to move forward. Not giving Gabe a chance to change and be a good guy makes this whole thing pointless. He may not do it. But, he most certainly won't if you don't give him a chance.
STOP these absolute negative statements. They are false and not helpful. Like, ALL HE WANTS is blah blah... He NEVER... There is NO WAY....
If you really believe those things, pack his stuff, put it on the front porch, and change your locks.
Mish, I've got to agree with OT here. You seem to react with incredible anxiety whenever anything even remotely reminds you of what was and what you don't want again. How do you get past that in order to give this a chance? I think that's the question right now. If you're continually looking for reasons to end it then you probably should. It's just too emotionally draining if you can't let go. I don't say that to be mean or judgmental because I would find it so incredibly difficult to be in your situation. So how are you going to let go enough to give this a chance? Any ideas? I'm tapped out...not that I had an idea to begin with... Btw, I'm on my fourth week of St. John's Wort and don't feel any difference at all except in my pocket book. How long did it take for you to feel any type of difference? Hell, I'd even settle for some kind of hallucination just to get my money's worth
Wii - It took me about a month of taking it before I started to notice a difference in my moods. It just made them a little more even than they had been. No extreme difference but enough to keep me sane (somewhat! LOL)
So, you ask what it would take for me to give this a chance? If I could answer that with any clarity it sure would help wouldn't it?
Simply put....I don't trust him and he's not willing to do anything to improve that. He is a pathological liar. Even the little things are answered with lies and evasions. Example? Today we were driving to the thrift store to look for clothes for Marc. On the way I wanted to check some movie times and since he has unlimited data on his phone I asked to use it. He handed it to me but I wanted to download the Fandango app to it which required his itunes password. I asked him for it and he refused. I said to stop being ridiculous and he still refused. I handed him back the phone and he put his password in. I still looked up the movie info I wanted but I won't be asking him for his phone for any reason again. Something so simple and he refused.
The woman he was talking to on FB sent me a message and told me that he was trying to 'get with' her and one of her best friends. Her friend is married! She said she had no idea we were in any kind of R and thought we were just divorced and friends. So, if that is how he is playing it, fine. He lies and evades and these latest actions show me how little he cares for anyone but himself and his selfish desires. The sex is amazing but it's not worth this emotional damage.
I haven't come up with how I am going to approach getting him out of my house and out of my life. It's very difficult for me but it's become pretty clear to me that this is my only option. I love him but not how he treats me so I have to let him go completely now.
This is so hard.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
P.S. I can't think of any reason he wouldn't want you in his iTunes other than him having explicit, non-commercial video, probably of himself alone and others who have sent him video. I could be wrong, but I'd put big bucks on that bet.
