Eric..I know I'm afraid and insecure. i think I have talked about that in this thread somewhere. If not, then I am admitting it now. Yes, I am afraid and yes I am insecure. when someone rejects you it makes you feel like you're worthless. Even tho I know I'm not. I do have moments where I just cave because I think "what if it's true" even if it's just for a moment. And unfortunately those are the moments you guys get to see. Most of the time I do believe I'm a great person. And know I can even be better. The afraid part..well I have NEVER lived alone. And I don't want to do it..I'm afraid to do it.
When I first met my H, I had been divorced about a year. He was newly separated. I was thin, confident, had a great job, a house, raising my 3 kids alone. ya, that's changed. So I do understand why I'm not the most desireable person right now. and ya, it took this thing to shock me back into reality. I am becoming that person again, but it's taking some time. I don't think he wants to wait for me to get myself back. And the damage he's doing in the meantime might just make me want to move on.
I know he's sick, but honestly I don't know if I want to be with someone who could treat me like this. Even if a person is sick, they still know the difference between right and wrong..the difference between honesty and being an outright lier and cheat, the difference between respect and treating someone like crap..like you wouldn't even treat someone you hated.
I know you guys here in MLC advocate the good fight..however long and whatever you have to do to hang in there. But man..he is ugly and twisted..and he may NEVER change. I could hang in there for 10 years waiting for this thing to work out, for my used- to- be- wonderful husband to stop shi##ing on me..and even if I do find me and am happy with me..I will have missed out on 10 years of happiness with someone who would treat me with respect and love, and instead hung around while some treated me like crap. If I'm thinking about ME, then that's not really being fair to me, is it?
I'm not asking you guys to talk me into staying..I'm just trying to understand why a LBS should stay and subject themselves to this horror on a daily basis. And don't say it's because I love him..I love my dogs too..but if one of them mauled me, I'd have him put to sleep.
Jack..you mentioned that you are married and happy. What did you do to get that way? I guess I should take some time and read your thread. i have to go and apply for a job quick. But i'll try to do that tonight. It's great that you take your time to help us poor souls here who are so confused and down in the dumps. i think i would want to do that too, just to give back some of what I'm getting from all of you here.
Irish, I am reading your thread now. It is very smiliar to mine. Unfortunately so many of us are in the same boat. I wonder what the stats/averages are for the length of time a LBS has stayed and also the stat for how many of them actually get back into a better R/M with that same spouse. It doesn't sound like the likleyhood is very good from most of the stories I have read here. I know there is a section for success stories. Maybe i should read a few of those to give me some hope..cuz I'm not feeling any right now.
Taylor, I'm not part of the Facebook group...I'm involved in other boards, etc, on the net. However, there are a couple of posters who do know how to reach me if need be.
Jack - I love this: Come a day you'll realize I'm a success not because I'm married, but because of who I am who I became. Become your own success story, become your own hero.
ltaylor - I think YOU (there I go again:)) have to answer this question on your own. I stay because I believe in the vows I took. I have a hard time defining "better or worse" - my H however can and will define those terms differently - that's his right. For me, he will have to make the move to D. It won't be me - and from this point forward - I am going to try as hard as I can to operate with quiet dignity, self-esteem, and common courtesy. I am not going to lose it with him or give him ANY ammunition. This is my life too - and who I am is loyal to a fault sometimes - but it is what I am comfortable with.
Take the time to find out what you are comfortable with - are you comfortable with giving up? If so, NO ONE would fault you. If not, then figure out what it will take for you to get through this time. It won't be quick but I am praying that it will open up a much better place in this world for me - with or without my H.
Keep posting - keep asking!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
know he's sick, but honestly I don't know if I want to be with someone who could treat me like this. Even if a person is sick, they still know the difference between right and wrong..the difference between honesty and being an outright lier and cheat, the difference between respect and treating someone like crap..like you wouldn't even treat someone you hated.
This is how he has acted your whole M?
He has been fooling you all these years?
F@cking sneaky basturd.
You're right.
F@ck him.
Move on...
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Are you being funny Grit? No, this isn't how he has acted for 20 years. He was the most wonderful man on the planet. Just like I've read in so many other threads, people envied our relationship because we got along so well. He was the most considerate, happy, funny, intelligent, wonderful wonderful wonderful person I've ever met. The best person I knew..and I told him that alot. It wasn't until we moved here and he took this job that he changed. And like everyone else here who is just reeling from the situation..he changed 100% to be exactly the opposite of what he used to be.
So, what I meant was that sick or not..he still knows the difference between right and wrong, that lying and cheating is wrong, why it's horrible to treat people like crap..I mean damn..we used to talk about it all the time. he couldn't stand to see someone treat another human being disrespectfully..but yet he is doing it to me. He knows, and doesn't care. Why would I want to be with someone like that? And once again, I'm not asking for you to tell me to stay..I just want to know the resoning behind staying vs leaving if we don't know that they will ever treat us with respect, if they will ever love us again, etc. What are your thoughts on that?
The REAL test of you and your marriage is in facing the UNKNOWN...not the KNOWN.
[censored] Taylor EVERYONE here would WAIT 2-5 years if they KNEW their spouse would come out of this 100%.
But you don't.
It is a REAL test.
Eveyone here would walk through hell to find and rescue their spouse, but would you walk through hell not knowing if your sposue would walk back with you?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
