I try to give her kisses out of the blue, and she looks at me like i have three heads, like it's really a nuisance. she never puts her arms around me whenever i try to kiss her, wrapping mine around her: i literally have to put them around me, and even then it's half-hearted.
Cozyp, these words and the others you have written make me think that your main problem is not your wife, it's yourself. I want to ask you some questions that sound rhetorical, but they are not. I encourage you to answer them for yourself and think hard about the answers. What kind of man keeps trying to kiss a woman who doesn't want to kiss him back? What kind of man has sex with a woman who does not sexually desire him? If you had an adult son in your situation, what advice would you give him?
When I read YoungAtHeart's posts, I always think that the sinlge most important thing he did to fix this SSM was not to find a sex therapist, read the right books, or say the right things to his wife; it was simply to decide that he owed it to himself to be happy, no matter what that entailed. Do you owe that to yourself?
