21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[sandi2]

My POV on raising children is probably considered old fashion...but my kids turned out to be two adult people that I am very proud of. They both would tell you that I spanked their rear end when they did not do as they were told. I started the discipline way before they could walk & talk. Didn't have to spank, but here's an example.....if my little boy would pull up to a piece of furniture that had some breakable vase, I would tell him "no-no". If he reached out trying to get that vase...I would spat his hand. Not hard, but he knew that he was doing something he shouldn't do. Didn't take but a time or two until he quickly learned to mind Mommy when she said "no-no". You may think that is awful, but nobody hated to see our family come with our two little kids b/c they knew our children would not tear their house apart, mark up the walls, throw trantrums, and any other bad behavior. My kids weren't perfect but they knew to respect adults and ESPECIALLY those who were in authority.....like teachers.

Your son is 6yrs old and he's never had nothing but "talk"? You are in for a bad time of it. If he's getting expelled from preschool & kindergarten, what do you think he'll be like when he's in middle school? If he doesn't respect his teacher, he won't respect a police officer or Judge either. And in case nobody has told you...let me be the first, your little 6 yr old son doesn't have respect for his parents, either.

Your D is treating him like crap and you do nothing about her? He feels like he is the one who suffers and sister gets away with hatefulness. His mother screams at him and doesn't give him the time of day? He sees his father as a weak man who has no control over his own household. No wonder the child is angry. He needs structure, discipline, and physical affection.

I don't know where you adopted your parenting skills, but they aren't working. I think you need to look at the comparison of your W's response to the lack of boundaries and your children's response to the lack of boundaries enforced by you. They are begging for a leader. You need to step it up and take on that responsibility before somebody ends up in prison.

I have worked with kids ever since I've been an adult, so I'm telling you these things based from experience of observing a lot of situations for many years.

Your C is telling you to stop coming to this board, and telling you to tell your W that you love her, etc. I don't agree with that advice, but you need to narrow your support group to either this board or marriage builders and leave that other stuff alone. You will be so mixed up that you won't know what to do. It's like going to a dozen different churches and not knowing which one is teaching the truth.

One thing that will discourge the board members is if you refuse to listen and stick your head in the sand. I'm banking on you not to do that.