You are right, of course. But in a snooping mood (I know, I know) I went by OW's house to see if his car was there. It was not, but neither were other cars, so it is quite possible that he went elsewhere... I am torturing myself for nothing.
I started to read DR again, but my D wanted to play Dora and Boots. Guess who won.
Now I've gotten a call and have to go to work. I do not know what time he is going to come so I paged him. We'll see if he answers.
We need to talk seriously. No way I am going through this mess again at Xmas.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
He just called. He'll be here in 40 minutes (which means really 80 min if I know him). I guess we'll eat and I'll go to work Mentioned something about it only being 5:30 (does he think I do not have a watch?)
Wait until kitti gets here with her 2x4... I am going to get whammed
You did very well, though. I am so proud of you!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
OK, how does this sound as an outline for conversation:
Me: 'Honey I want to apologize for this morning. I am very tense around the holidays because I feel very unsure of everything. I was so scared that you were going to go to OW's that I panicked and misreacted.
I should have told you outright and asked you to help me work through it, instead of acting in a controlling manner. I hope you will help me develop a way to deal with these situations and avoid another mess up'
What do you think?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
(((Opt))) Hope you had a great dinner and that things calmed down a bit for you. I think that using I can only control myself, I can't control him as a mantra is a terrific idea! And no 2x4's ...you are human, it's a holiday, and you are stressed....and with previous experiences popping up in your memory bank...rightfully so....but you can let go and let God...any time you want. It's also ok to start your whole day over...just shake it off and decide to have a great day from right that moment for the rest of the day. We are all perfectly imperfect, Opt...so ease up on yourself... hugs....Col
The rest of the day went relatively well. I took Pam's advice and did not bring up the subject. And H was very specific about having taken only 4 hours to complete his work...
Last night our D crept into bed with us (her desire to have a baby brother only takes her so far ) and they are both sleeping like logs...
I am the one itching for a fight now...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Mentioned something about it only being 5:30 (does he think I do not have a watch?)
And a good evening once you get home from work!! 
I must have clicked the wrong thing. 
) and they are both sleeping like logs...