How about her birthday, The past few times I did blow them off.(Yeah I know...nice job) It is about a month away. Her friends already took my idea. I knew she wanted to go tubing in a river(yes we do have a clean river here), but they already had it planned. She did ask that I come along. All she ask that I brought beer. As long as we have been together I never knew she drank beer.(mental note added)
Anyhoos....
My next thing I thought of, which is another 180 with me, to have a surprise party. Gather her friends up to our place for a BBQ. One, I am being socialable and two I though about W to the point where her friends are involved.I thought about getting one of those water slides for the kids the families would bring.
Too much?
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
What makes her feel loved? The Five Love Languages (5LLs). Most people love others the way they want to be loved. Think back to when you were dating, what did you two do?
She like(liked) the little things. The hidden cards, posted notes, the email cards. It was always the little gestures she loves.
[huh..Just thought this.....When W XH left her, she turned to a chat(ICQ) and found me. It was a long distance R.(I now see a pattern.But she was D when we started. But I see..she was WAS and need a void to fill... But if her XH cheated to hurt her, why do the same to me? To cause me pain as she felt?...]
We chatted for the longest time to the point I saved up enough to go meet her up in Canada.Yes, a long drive for a coon-ass. I drove straight there, no stops for sleep. We would go to the local bar, the park, a trip to the 'big city'. Simple things.
Originally Posted By: Coach
What are you two doing to address the issues that got you here? Don't defend yourself, just listen to her.
Is this something I ask W? We are working on them. The major one, communication.
Originally Posted By: Coach
A regular date night is great, something to look forward to. Once a quarter get away for at least a weekend - no kids.
Working on that....I think a night out to a nice resturant and to a country club. I never dance....never. She knows it, so this will be a surprise when I actually dance with her. I know I woun't know what I am doing, but I will do it.
Originally Posted By: Coach
No expectations. Give freely and without conditions. Your coupon has conditions.
I am...I have given her head,foot, back, body, rubs with no intention of sex or what not. Even if the coupon has a condition, it does leave the choice up to W.
Originally Posted By: Coach
Be busy - keep your hobbies, friends and interests.
A little difficult as some of this got me into this trouble. Spendin too much time doing these activities and no time with W. But, yes I am working on them.
Originally Posted By: Coach
When you talk really listen. Eye contact. Share your day, let her in all of your life. Be interesting.
Be aware of what works (warmth/affection) and what doesn't (shields up). I have noticed, if I come home ans set a positive tone, the whole evening usually goes well.
Be ready for setbacks and for her to test you.
I have noticed, if I come home and set a positive tone, the whole evening usually goes well.I see the what works or not, she does let me know too. I do make a note not do these yet. Its the setbacks I need to work on. When they do happen I do get frustrated with myself. I have learned that I need to shrug them off. Think for a second, say a prayer, and go back into the game with a different play. My wife is usually unprepared on the change up(audible ).
Originally Posted By: Coach
What are both of your triggers? How you going to handle them going forward?
Triggers? For hostility towards each other, or for love to each other?
Originally Posted By: Coach
DB 201 is much harder. Stay grateful for your progress. You can handle it.
Yes...Yes.....Yes
Cheers
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
From "totally blowing it off" to "big surprise party for her and all of her friends"??
That's a mighty big leap.
Go big..take the chance. It will only be 3-4 couples and probably their kids. ...maybe take the surprise factor out of it?
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
I will do the BBQ, and ask if she would like to invite a friend over. Keep it small and easy.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
NO. I'm saying NOT to "go big." We're all saying to "go SLOW."
You're not getting it.
Puppy
She just sent a risque photo to another man. Don't reward that behavior. Make her want to do the work you are doing. Do you see this?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
NO. I'm saying NOT to "go big." We're all saying to "go SLOW."
You're not getting it.
Puppy
She just sent a risque photo to another man. Don't reward that behavior. Make her want to do the work you are doing. Do you see this?
I guess i am not. I thought that doing something , I neglected to do in the past would be a good thing towards W. I know I am not rewardsing the CB directly. I certainly have to do something. If it were the other way around, then yes I would of blown this year off, gave a small card and be done with it.
Crap, DB201 is hard. I need to study more.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Are these them below?I had to google it, the search here would not work...
Words of Affirmation Quality Time Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Great way to fill up her love bucket drop by drop. Not all melty-man. Most people have two that are their primary LLs.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
).