He's silently dealing with his own issues. Or not LOL.
You hit the nail on the head with that one Michelle. NOT dealing with his issues is what he does best an continues to do.
Last night everything came crashing down just as I knew it would. I could feel it in the air even when we were having a good time together something was off.....big time.
I logged into FB last night just before he was due home from work to check on a friend of mine who is traveling. In my recent events feed there was a notation that someone else had responded to the same post of his that I had. He had posted the other day that he was hot and sticky from his workout but felt great. I posted back that I was proud of him for staying with his exercise. Last night a woman he went to high school with posted "I can't wait to get hot and sticky with you. I'll talk to you tonight." WHOA WHOA WHOA! I posted "ummmmm.....ok....WTH is that about?" and left it at that. I had just shut the computer off when he walked in from work and he knew immediately something was wrong because I pretty much glared him down. He asked what was up and I told him. I asked him if he was just playing games with me. Why he apparently felt the need to always be looking for the next fix. He reverted to his usual lament "I'm a lying piece of sh!t. I always have been and I don't know why." "I haven't been happy for one day of my life." "I know what I want. All I want is a loving R but I don't know how to find that." BLECH! WTH does he call what he has had for his entire adult life? I've never been anything but loving, kind, patient, forgiving, and accepting of him. Yes, I was sometimes distracted and had my priorities messed up but never once did I purposely ignore him or try to hurt him.
I told him I had thought that we had a pretty darned good life and if he was never happy then why didn't he speak up? He just shook his head and said he didn't know. He can't explain it. He just doesn't feel like there is anything good. All he feels is content. ALL HE FEELS IS CONTENT!!!! Isn't that what we all strive for? To be content with our lives. Contentment means that you have your life in order. He said he needs happiness. Well, contentment is happiness!!! WTH? He thinks that unless he has that giddy euphoria all the time then he's not happy. This man is seriously messed up! Without IC there is no hope for him. He will continue on this cycle for the rest of his life and die miserable and alone because there are not many women out there who are going to put up with a man that is constantly pushing them aside for the next great thrill.
He has said about 2 words to me since last night. He slept on the couch and has no idea what he's going to do. I won't kick him out but I'm not letting him back into my bed or my heart in the state he is in. I deserve so much more respect than that.
So.......that's that.
P.S. - And now he has apparently deleted his FB profile.
Last edited by mishka422; 07/13/1010:39 PM.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Re his facebook, nevermind. I found where you commented on his status and tried to follow the link. It wasn't there. So yeah, I agree that he deleted it.
Guess he figured it was too much drama.
Smart of him LOL.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
This is all to be expected. These problems don't disappear. They have to be worked through, with each other or with other people. Time for real and complete transparency. Time for the phone call to his ex-GF.
Tell him:
1) He is never going to feel good or happy as long as he keeps feeling bad about himself for being such a sh*t. He CAN be a better man. WHEN he is, he will feel better.
2) Complete transparency required.
3) Public (so you have access) ending it with ex-GF completely required, making it crystal clear to her that he and you are back together.
4) He has to learn how to be monogomous again. This takes work. He has to put the work into it.
5) He straightens up or he is out. Period.
6) He needs to be honest and tell you about ALL the skeletons in the closet. NEITHER of you needs them haunting your present R.
And, FWIW, I'd say that, no, being content is not enough. A good life has joy, adventure, passion.
That just ... sucks. Has he ever tried counseling? If he makes a move towards you again then perhaps you give him a condition -- counseling or no more physical stuff.
I've been watching you and Buffet to see how you handle a possible reconciliation. It just has to be sooo hard.
The other day a friend asked if there was any hope and I gave them the tired -- well, we're still married and hope doesn't really die until one of us dies.
Then I thought about it. What if STBXW showed up and said she made a mistake and wanted to work on things. What would I need to give it a shot.
In my case ... she could never go see her best friend in her little town alone again, ever.
I'd need the passwords for her email, FB and Blackberry.
She'd have to go to marriage counseling for a minimum of six months.
We'd have to take Dave Ramsey's Financail Peace University Class together. No way I want to step back on the Financial Titanic.
But that's me and I doubt it's a conversation we'll ever have.
I'll be praying for you.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
And, if he really has deleted his Facebook page, PAY ATTENTION. That is a HUGE move for him, it is REAL ACTION and REAL CHANGE.
Give him a chance to grow. Give him a chance to be a better man. If you can't do that, then get him off your couch and out your door. It isn't fair to anyone to let him stay.
I'm definitely working on me. I had IC yesterday (thank goodness!) and the entire conversation shifted from what she had been planning for us to discuss with this latest bombshell.
Why would I want to be with someone who lies at every turn about every little thing? I'm serious when I say this. It has become nearly every word out of his mouth, not just about us or things relating to us. He has a serious sickness and unless he is allowed to fall completely on his face all on his own he won't seek help for it.
Yes, I love him, flaws and all but loving him and being able to live with his constant lies and manipulations is where I'm stuck. If I kick him out then I'm the 'bad guy' and I don't want Marc to think that I'm being cruel to his dad. Then again, if I allow him to stay with no conditions attached then what example is that setting? Marc has no idea that his dad has a problem and it's not my responsibility to inform him. When he gets hurt by it directly I'll have to pick up the pieces but until then, his dad is his hero.
In regards to the whole FB thing, I had a message from the woman that made the comment. It said, and I quote, "Gabe and I where friends but thank you we are not any more. You can have have him. he is a liar and a creep. I hope your son does not take after him."
Sooo.....I don't know what he was saying to her but I can guess. Not a pretty picture is it?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I can't believe that slut would be indignant that her "friend's" WIFE had an issue with her getting sweaty with him! God, what a world... She is a maggot - discount anything she could or would say and block her.
Now, about Gabe... Hon, I am not sure what to say. Like I wrote in my post, people often shock the hell out of me. It does say something that he got rid of facebook.
