I knew it was the wrong thing to do but I called WH on his mobile and said 'why are you able to leave me and your baby like this, in this way? Don't you realise I will not be able to forgive you? It's too much for me to bear. The result of all this is that I think we will never be friends, and I think it may be even wise to never see each other ever again. They are the consequences I see today, can't you see that?'. And he said, "I am prepared to accept those consequences".
No, he's not. He's playing defense to your offense.
Mine once told me that the kids didn't add any value to his life, and if he had to do it all over again, he'd rather have the money he'd spent on them and a better lifestyle.
You know those bad old Japanese action movies where the English voiceover doesn't match the mouth movements? Think of them when WH says sh*t like this, because that's what's happening between his thoughts and his words. He's thinking one thing, spinning it, and saying something else entirely. Because it's easier to hurt you and run you off than to be a man and deal with his feelings.
Originally Posted By: Piano
My counselor reassures me when WH tells me he doesn't feel any love or commitment towards me anymore, this translates as "I am afraid of this baby and fatherhood, even if I love you and here, but I need to live as far away from you as possible because I can only do this parent thing from a distance". I told my counselor that WH had baulked when I suggested me and baby might one day come and live in Europe soon too, and he said of course: WH's worst nightmare come true. He'd have to deal with you. He reminded me that WH is having a crisis and has reverted to his inner child. The inner child is living in a state of chaos, which is what WH has turned his (our) current reality into. He is leaving me and his baby in a chaotic state.
This is the problem in a nutshell. WH grew up without a father, had no template to follow, thought he could handle it...but then realized he couldn't and bailed.
Note to Mr. Piano:
She's a BABY. Not a nuclear detonating device, not a Tazmania Devil (all bets off when she's a teen), not a sheep in wolf's clothing. A baby!
Yes, being a parent is hard. It's scary. It's painful. We get that you're freaking, because all of do to some degree when we become parents for the first time.
But to destroy your family rather that face your fears? That's just wrong.
Originally Posted By: Piano
I find it really hard to separate the WH script from the Truth. My WH and I both know the truth. But he will never be able to articulate it because it would open up a world of pain.
Completely understandable! You're a kind, caring SANE woman talking to a freaked out, immature, bull-in-a-china-shop MLCer. It's like pitting a bunny against a Rottweiler. The only way you can compete fairly is to morph into a Rottweiler yourself. But that would make 2 too many Rottweilers in your situation and only prolong the fight.
Originally Posted By: Piano
Ugh. I hate this.
I know, honey. We all do. But at least you have a beautiful baby girl to remind you of the good times. Focus on that and let time heel these wounds.
You know how they say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Girl, you're going to be INVINCIBLE by the time this is through!
