But I had REAL trust in her parents. At the beginning they were SO AGAINST the divorce. Now they are tired of me and just want to see their daughter out of the marriage.
They aren't tired of YOU - they're tired of the drama, and your WAW has convinced them you're the reason for it. They only have her spin on her version of the story. If they ever get the whole truth, they'll be HORRIFIED they ever got sucked into being a part of Team WAW.
The guys are right. You gotta ignore her friends and family and do what's right for YOU.
Well I just found out that her parents have been telling her everything. And I mean everything.
How do you know this? Did she tell you this? If so, then it could be complete BS on her part. Either way, don't take it personally, they are always gonna side with blood. That is nature.
QS I want you to know, that nothing you are experiencing is new or unique. It doesn't make it suck any less but everyone typing to you is going through or has gone through the same crap.
You are not fighting for your marriage alone. You have a whole team of people who would love nothing more than keep one more person from experiencing the same stuff. We are all with you.
Have you been to the FB DB group? It might help your morale some to attach names, faces, and to some degree, lives with the nicks typing to you here.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
In all of this what really sucks is thst she seems to be going to come out on top. She makes more than me and could afford to BUY a condo if we sold the house. I'd have to rent a crappy apt.
She has this huge outpouring of support from everyone. And I look like the bad guy. She stays so outwardly positive that it is hard to imagine she's hurting as bad as everyone says. Anytime she feels bad she calls someone.
You guys are right. I am too reactionary. I have no idea how to let go of the fear of things turning out better for her than me. I didn't choose this yet it feels like she wins no matter what. And she does it all with a smile on her face.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
In all of this what really sucks is thst she seems to be going to come out on top. She makes more than me and could afford to BUY a condo if we sold the house. I'd have to rent a crappy apt.
Let me put it this way QS... supposing she does go through with the divorce and pursues someone else... can you see her making that work LONG TERM?
Or can you see her crashing and burning with dissappointment and dissillusionment and hitting the internet sex road AGAIN for an answer?
Or you could stop worrying about her altogether and realize it is not a contest and you can start getting busy being the best you, you can be.
Think back to when you were dating. You would have instantly dumped any chick that gave you one tenth the amount of crap you have put up with recently.
It all sounds so cliche but getting to that point will save you whether she stays or goes.
BTW, I have not heard about you going out with your friends, lifting some weights, riding your mountain bike, starting a drunken fight at a ball game...what have you done for yourself lately?
One of my first steps to getting back some hand was when I went out all day with friends. I was totally busy and actually forgot my situation at home. I realized, I went all day without her, without seeing her or thinking about her. It was the best day I had in more than a year. I actually didn't even want to go home. Then I new, life could be OK either way. Get some hand.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
BTW, I have not heard about you going out with your friends, lifting some weights, riding your mountain bike, starting a drunken fight at a ball game...what have you done for yourself lately?
Actually I do. I go to the gym 5-6 times a week - always have. I have started going to church and praying. I have started a ton of home improvement, and go to bookstores to read, joined meetup.com, do lots of things.
It is just after getting that intel this morning I completely fell apart. Now when this happens, I DO NOTHING. I don't call anyone, I don't make decisions ect. I don't backslide from my changes. I just let the pain out. I have to or it will destroy me.
I just remembered how Puppy's in-laws told him that she was DONE, DONE, DONE. That is EXACTLY where I am right now.
I blew the affair out of the water. Now I am at a place that exposure cost me the backing with her parents, and she is moving out.
Puppy, I am still interested in what you did AFTER you struck hard and fast at the affair.
I guess this is where the TRUE DB begins?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
At some point QS many of us end up having to go it alone... It's painful, but managable... You just need to focus on the goals here... which is YOU with a healthier lifestyle... marriage is ideal IF your partner is willing to eventually offer that... but if they arne't at some point you have to say
"OK, I can do better than this..." YOU decide when that point is... If there are others willing to fight while you aren't willing to, then you aren't there yet... This is often when a lot of people give up is when they have to go it alone.
The problem is they are chasing the wrong thing - you want a healthier lifestyle... that can be a monogamous spouse OR hitting the dating circuit again...we don't know what it is yet... But you need to stop worrying abotu what your wife is doing...
Think back to when you were dating. You would have instantly dumped any chick that gave you one tenth the amount of crap you have put up with recently.
Down's right, QS - if you were single, would you date the mess she is now? No, you'd run like hell the other way!
Next time you're out running errands and see a pretty girl, flirt with her. See how she responds to you. Once you realize that complete strangers treat you better than your wife does, it will show you just how far WAW's gone of the deep end and dragged you along with her. Talk about 2x4!
Originally Posted By: DownNotOut...yet
BTW, I have not heard about you going out with your friends, lifting some weights, riding your mountain bike, starting a drunken fight at a ball game...what have you done for yourself lately?
LOL! THIS is why I look at guy's threads - to see guys acting LIKE MEN. It's so refreshing! I've missed it in my house...
