Well, I've been toying with the idea of just forgetting about OW and his office and everything and do my own stuff until the end of December, then decide what I want to do.
He had been doing so well in other things, that I got all hopeful, but... no expectations is the ticket! Maybe he'll realize he is losing me and push the darn cart...
Of course, withdrawing from him and doing my own thing is what eventually draw him away...
Hobson's choice, I guess
I am rambling too much. I need my beauty sleep.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Sorry, you had a bad evening. No expectations. Give H space. Love from a distance. Patience.
These are a few things you need to get through this. And here is a quote I got from someone else's post this morning:
Quote: If you guys are going to get to your Golden Anniversary you can afford to give him a couple of years to get through this and come out the other side a better person.
We all get tired of the bull, it is normal. TGod we have the BB to vent and ask for a shoulder!
Hope you are feeling better today!
It's a long hard road! But I agree, let your H push his own darn cart! LOL
A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman walking the dog replied, "My husband's." At which time she was asked, "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She than was asked, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "The other woman. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women when the woman was than asked, "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line."
I shared this with a few other gals who seemed to need a laugh today...it used to read husband and mother in law in the hearses, but I think OW is funnier. You hang in there...H will come to his senses....or you can go pit bull shopping in January....LOL
HI Opt, Sorry I haven't been around in a while, but I've been watching you here and there.
I really like this cart analogy. I can understand the feelings of tiredness the why do WE have to be the ones to change? feelings. Well, first of all, I KNOW that it works. And I know many others will agree as well. However, I agree with whoever said that we cannot pull our h's carts FOR them. WE have to pull our own and hope that they in turn pull theirs too. Then hopefully they can help push ours a little and we can push theirs a little. and so on and so on...
But right now...it's hard!!! Wah!!! OK, so feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help. I think taking care of yourself is a great idea. Have fun. AND, if you are physically tired, relax. Um, is getting your legs waxed pampering? Isn't it painful?? the end result is real nice I'm sure...
Do you ice skate? I love it, but can't do it very well. Scott Hamilton is my idol!
Hope you can make it through the holidays cheerfully! Thinking of you OPT! karen
Sorry you're having a hard time - I agree, stop focusing on him and focus on yourself. Remember you can't control him.
Make yourself happy by doing some things you love!! Turn yourself into a warm, happy place that your H will be drawn to. You are a source of strength and happiness for your marriage, just keep that thought in your head. Focus on you, to create that goodness that you can share with your H.
Well, I am most definitely not one for inaction. I decided to face my fears and went to my H's office. He was in with a sales rep and had a bit of problem introducing me as his W (he told the sales person my name but did not say 'she is my W' and was very clearly uncomfortable )
I asked him to go to lunch with me, but he could not and nearly rushed me out of there. Did not want to give me a quick kiss... I did not notice whether he was wearing his wedding ring, either.
OW was in her own office, next door and her daughters were around. I wished her a happy TG in a cheery voice and asked about her children and grandchildren. I even asked for pictures of her new 5 month old granddaughter (poor kid). She showed me the ones she had and of course in all the foto montages she has on the walls there are pictures that include my H (one in Puerto Vallarta, when I was pregnant, another in her son's wedding - three days after we separated...). I acted 'as if' I had not noticed the pictures and was very upbeat.
She asked about holiday plans and I told her the truth: that WE were going to buy TG dinner because I was working and did not feel like cooking and would stay quietly at home. And that for Xmas we are not sure. I said I felt weird about the holidys this year and that maybe SIL and her significant other would come to spend them with us. That we did not feel like going to my folks... I used plural all the time (I think).
I was drinking water and held my glass in the left hand, with my wedding band quite visible... She had seen it back in May and knew it was too big for me and I had refused to fix it while we were separated...
So if she wants to hear the bells... they are there.
I will have to talk to my H about his hesitancy to introduce me as his W... I did not like that.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Thank you everybody for the hugs and good wishes. I am feeling better, more like myself.
Today has been a weird day as to interactions with H: started with early morning , he then fixed me breakfast and it went downhill from then on.
He said his visit with the CPA was next Wednesday, not today and mentioned that he was going to open a savings account in the local credit union with some money that they'd been owing him for quite some time. Then he went to work and was quite vocal about wanting to stay home instead.
A bit later I called him to ask him to wait until we could go together to open the account. He got all upset and told me that he was not going to do it today, then that he was planning to open it and have me go later and put my signature (yea, that is how OW ended up in the bussiness accounts. Heard that one before). He was very sarcastic about whether I wanted to be in the account or not... I did not like it one bit.
Then I go to his office and he is less than enthusiastic, and just plain uncomfortable...
He did tell me to call him later this afternoon...
We'll see.
Got to go back to work.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I love ya, lady, so I'm going to wrap my 2x4 in bubble wrap first... okay, here it comes - WHAP!
You are driving yourself nuts agonizing over all these details. Your feelings are real and valid, and I don't want to miminize them at all, but they're not doing you any good! Don't focus on your H right now, certainly don't focus on the OW, the damn hussy - focus on yourself. Take control of what you can take control of - yourself.
Your anxiety over your H will not faciliate your re-building a R of love and trust. You can't solicit, you can't expect.
Here's the thing -
1) Get your postive energy from somewhere else - you need to be putting energy into your R from inside, not looking for reassurances from it. Do what you need to do to recharge elsewhere do you've got something to bring in. 2) Make your M a project. Look at it almost dispassionatly. Stratagize. You're GOOD at this - I've seen you do it. Every day, what are you doing to put positive energy into the R? Pretend that your H is a stay dog - what's going to work better, getting frustrated and trying to pounce on him, grab him by the scruff, yank him into the cage - OR - offer warmth, food, peace, so that he chooses to come closer, closer, until he's entirely comfortable?
Remember this - you're in the driver's seat here. You've got the tools to do what you want to do. Don't let these things that are going on distract you or you'll go off in the ditch. They are painful to experience, I know they are - but remember that you're the strong one. Look at everything you've made it through so far. You're the strong one. You're the caretaker of your M right now.
Okay, I'll stop now. Sorry if I've gone around the bend. Good thoughts your way Opt!!
) 
, he then fixed me breakfast