...I don't think it's OM or addiction. I think its inside her. She went to 40 clothes stores (not to include Walmart and all the other kinds of stores) in the month of June. You buy new clothes for an OM but you don't spend all your time at the stores. She took 2 hour lunches and shopped in different parts of town. I check the times on the receipts. I think she buys to make herself feel better to escape reality.
You need to learn to recognize addictive behavior. Look at her drinking paterns. Her shopping patterns are also indicative of addictive behavior. She is searching for "the rush" that comes from whatever addiction she is hooked on and that can also be other men or skirting the law.
You also need to read up on self-destructive behavior.
Self destructive people often turn on and against those that try to help them, before they reach the bottom. It is not beyond the realm of what has happened elsewhere for her to try to have you arrested for threatening or beating her, to plant drugs in your car and call the police to arrest you.
Just because you don't want to recognize it, doesn't mean it is not happening.
Your highest priority is to protect your children. Then you need to protect yourself so that you will be there to protect and provide for your children and then later offer support to your wife, if she will accept it. Reach out to your wife's parents and tell them your fears and what you feel you need to do to protect your children and that you want to help your wife, but she doesn't want you in her life.
Just because you think she cann't get to your money, doesn't mean she can't do things that can ultimately cause you to loose all of your money (and your ability to support your children). For example, there are lots of drug asset forfeiture laws where your car, your home, etc. could be taken from you with limited immediate recourse. Just because you have done nothing wrong, may not stop a rouge government agency that wants to beef up its limited budget by taking some things you own and selling them for pennies on the dollar.
Protect your children. And yes to GAL and talk to an attorney to protect your assets, which most likely means getting the divorce she wanted ASAP.
Good luck to you and your family.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Chuck, I don't think you can take your W's word for it that her legal issues are over. Have your D attorney do some checking for you to make sure you're not blindsided. Many times during an investigation they will lie to the person they suspect.
bluestar, Oh I know that. He said he is not pressing charges I should have said, at this time. They are sending a few other employees up today to take a Poly too.
How do I know what I have on my hands? It seems to be a mix of lots of things. MLC, WAW, self-destructive behavior, addictive behavior, etc.
Last edited by Chuck66; 07/14/1007:40 PM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
My POV on raising children is probably considered old fashion...but my kids turned out to be two adult people that I am very proud of. They both would tell you that I spanked their rear end when they did not do as they were told. I started the discipline way before they could walk & talk. Didn't have to spank, but here's an example.....if my little boy would pull up to a piece of furniture that had some breakable vase, I would tell him "no-no". If he reached out trying to get that vase...I would spat his hand. Not hard, but he knew that he was doing something he shouldn't do. Didn't take but a time or two until he quickly learned to mind Mommy when she said "no-no". You may think that is awful, but nobody hated to see our family come with our two little kids b/c they knew our children would not tear their house apart, mark up the walls, throw trantrums, and any other bad behavior. My kids weren't perfect but they knew to respect adults and ESPECIALLY those who were in authority.....like teachers.
Your son is 6yrs old and he's never had nothing but "talk"? You are in for a bad time of it. If he's getting expelled from preschool & kindergarten, what do you think he'll be like when he's in middle school? If he doesn't respect his teacher, he won't respect a police officer or Judge either. And in case nobody has told you...let me be the first, your little 6 yr old son doesn't have respect for his parents, either.
Your D is treating him like crap and you do nothing about her? He feels like he is the one who suffers and sister gets away with hatefulness. His mother screams at him and doesn't give him the time of day? He sees his father as a weak man who has no control over his own household. No wonder the child is angry. He needs structure, discipline, and physical affection.
I don't know where you adopted your parenting skills, but they aren't working. I think you need to look at the comparison of your W's response to the lack of boundaries and your children's response to the lack of boundaries enforced by you. They are begging for a leader. You need to step it up and take on that responsibility before somebody ends up in prison.
I have worked with kids ever since I've been an adult, so I'm telling you these things based from experience of observing a lot of situations for many years.
Your C is telling you to stop coming to this board, and telling you to tell your W that you love her, etc. I don't agree with that advice, but you need to narrow your support group to either this board or marriage builders and leave that other stuff alone. You will be so mixed up that you won't know what to do. It's like going to a dozen different churches and not knowing which one is teaching the truth.
One thing that will discourge the board members is if you refuse to listen and stick your head in the sand. I'm banking on you not to do that.
Last edited by sandi2; 07/14/1009:03 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm guessing the answer is...it doesn't matter what you call it. I need to take care of me.
I think you understand things! It really doesn't matter what you call your wife's actions, the actions you need to take are pretty clear.
I wish you and your family the best of luck. It will likely be hard, but you can get through things.
I would change your summary to:
You need to take care of your children, then take care of yourself (as your children need a healthy father who has the financial resources and love to take care of them as they deal with the stress of their mother's self-destructive & addictive behavior), then if you have anything left over you can help your wife (who may soon be your ex-wife, but will always be the mother of your children).
Again, God bless you and your family and good luck.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Parenting skills from divorced parents when I was 5, father got custody. Father remarried and I got the crap beat out of me by 3 step siblings. Then he divorced her and it was just my dad and me and when he worked I was alone.
Young at Heart, Thank you for your words.
Last edited by Chuck66; 07/14/1010:10 PM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
