Thanks, Allen and Puppy. I am just really lucky to have OW's parents' address. I have no idea when they're home/not home. Think some siblings (that might be in on what's going on) might live at home and answer door.
Hmmm . . . signs on the cars were probably childish . . . oops.
Well, without going into too much detail, I received intel last night that supports that the A was going on as far back as I thought it was - and that my H was feeding me lies at every turn. Unfortunately, the source of my intel was in a precarious position telling me and so I won't be able to use it against my H . . . except to know how full of shi! he is on so many occasions and also to know for sure that our R is in crisis BECAUSE of the A as opposed to the A exists BECAUSE M is in crisis. Knowing a more for sure start time proves that . . .
Talked to my L this AM and he said H should not be exposing dd to OP right now. That I am reasonable to refuse to let my dd go on overnights to his place as long as I provide alternate options . . . my L said he could write a letter if my H doesn't listen to me.
Well, without going into too much detail, I received intel last night that supports that the A was going on as far back as I thought it was - and that my H was feeding me lies at every turn. Unfortunately, the source of my intel was in a precarious position telling me and so I won't be able to use it against my H . . .
I disagree, Melody. Remember, you don't have to reveal the source(s) of your intel (and never SHOULD!) in order to play the "I know all about _______ " card.
There is power in telling them that you know everything, and them not knowing WHAT you know, and what you DON'T know, and therefore they have to assume you KNOW EVERYTHING!
A well-timed "Oh please. We both know that isn't true, your relationship with her started in (Month, Year) so please stop lying to me. It's so disrespectful, and -- frankly -- unattractive." ... should do the trick.
If he asks you "And how do you think you know THAT?" all you say is "I'm not going to tell you, but please stop lying to me."
Good advice . . . thanks! Yes, I don't need to reveal source to confront - just need to be careful that I don't reveal what only this OP would know - this person is uniquely close to the whole sitch. I will have to confront at some level tonight when I refuse to let my dd sleep over at his/her/their place . . .
You know . . . now that I have proof that everything I thought was a lie WAS a lie . . . I can see why the affair busting techniques here are recommended. Hard to act so strongly when there's doubt, but I get it now.
You know . . . now that I have proof that everything I thought was a lie WAS a lie . . . I can see why the affair busting techniques here are recommended. Hard to act so strongly when there's doubt, but I get it now.
And THAT is why I ALWAYS advise people to get good, independent intel!!!
When I read back at the detailed journal that I kept during my sitch, I am struck by how many times I was able to correct myself, from doing something potentially damaging, based on what she TOLD me was the "truth." Then my intel would reveal otherwise, and so I would act wisely, and with discernment.
