The support here from my DB family is so amazing! I am blessed.
I am realizing with each day that passes how "done" I am now. That saddens me, but it is true. I was willing to forgive the A and open up my heart again and work towards a fully restored M. Now, with everything that has transpired, I am done. Will there always be a part of me that loves my H? Yes, I am sure. But, at this point, I cannot ever imagine trusting or respecting him again. I am done.
So, I communicated that to him last night. I did the Gucci/Robx approach of letting him go. Not as a DB strategy, because I am no longer fighting for this M. But, as a truth. I let him go. I blessed him to go. He was dumbfounded and shocked. He didn't like it. He said "why do you have to say something like that, it sounds so final. I am not ready to hear that."
Wait a minute..... whaaaaaaat?
You have an A and think you are in love with OW and plan to leave me, then after half heartedly making a pitiful attempt at reconciliation decide you are leaving me after all, tell the kids this..... and..... you don't want me to say something so "final"?
Wow.
Fog. Yes. Deeeeeeep in the fog.
Whatever. I am done.
My H is having a very bad time with people "knowing". So, I am getting the gears about that, sometimes in a very nasty way. And, the thing is, I actually have carried the burden of all this largely alone (other than the great people I have met here!) for over a year. So, the few people I have now chosen to confide in, who are trustworthy, he is having a meltdown about? The injustice and selfishness of this overwhelms me at times.
But, because that fog is still so thick there is no reasoning with him. I am being told I am the selfish one. That we should deal with this just by ourselves. Wow.
Anyway, still feeling strong. Actually, with each passing day, as I detach more and more, I feel stronger and more resolved to do what I need to do for me and the kids.
