I truly believe that MLC or WAH can have those "ahaaa" moments in all that insanity. WTG on the letter...my H and I did better when communicating in writing for quite a while...it aleviated the stress of confrontation for both of us... It must have been some letter...I think letting him know (as i did my H) up front why you are doing it...not to get them back but to protect your family...this puts you in different light then previously...you are not trying to fix him...you are doing what needs to be done and that's it...keep moving girl...even when you don't think so he may be watching!
Thanks all - today is another good day. No contact with H - and that's ok. Drove to Nashville for another basketball tourney - car full of boys who made me laugh. Here for a couple of days - looking forward to R&R (sure!!)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Thanks punkin! You know, I think something about seeing H without his wedding ring kind of put me over the edge. I think it was because that was a sign that my S was looking for...so I knew it wouldn't hurt just me but my S as well. It may have just kicked my maternal instincts up a notch and made me realize that I needed to get more consistency and structure in S's life. Also, when I re-read Dobson's book I realized that I was the one constantly living in "crisis" due to my sitting and reacting to H's next move. Now, by moving forward with an Legal Separation and getting the finances and things confirmed, it's no longer MY crisis. And not like I'm trying to poke a caged tiger or anything like that - I am more cordial, approachable, calm - but just matter-of-fact - I have things to do to provide a stable environment for my S.
The next challenge will be custody. I am not sure that "joint" custody is currently the best arrangement for my S. H is living on a couch with a friend. Yesterday H took S and S's friends somewhere and S was embarrassed because all of H's clothes were in the back seat and in the trunk. H is planning on moving in with 2 other single men at the end of the month. I think S would feel more secure if I had sole custody and provided liberal visitation (S is 16) - and S knows that I would not keep him from his dad. When H talked to all 3 kids about getting S a fake ID so that he could get into a comedy club that was 18+ older - all 3 of the kids called me alarmed. I sat them all down over the July 4th weekend - and we talked about if they get that alarmed feeling again while with H that they needed to call me and we would get them out of the situation.
Please know that this is NOT the behavior typical to my H. He has always been VERY conservative. I am sad for him and for our family - but I've got work to do.
Thanks for being here everyone!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
