My BFF recommended that I ask my H about the match.com stuff. She said I don't have to be all mad and aggressive about it but that I should let him know that I know and don't think it's too cool. What do you guys think?
He says he's here trying to work on things with me, even tho it might not be to my standards. I should probably ask him what kind of standards allow for multiple affairs,signing up for dating services, and perusing personal ads,when you're married. If I don't let him know I know about it, he may meet someone and get involved again like he did before. How would that help us to get back on track?
And yes, it's 3:15 a.m.--tornados are still coming in all around. I may have to run for the basement.
Personally, I haven't read your entire thread, but whether they are said aggressively or not, they are confrontational. The sages here say that when the WH comes home the real hard work begins. And that includes smiling quietly and lovingly when what you really want to do is bash them over the head. Believe me, I know this.
The real question, I suppose, is if he is really there to work out your R, or just didn't have anywhere better to go? If the answer is B, well, the rolling pin is in the kitchen.
I am quite embarrassed to tell you to read my thread from about 2 weeks ago - however the way that I tried to confront my husband about the dating chat lines and such is something that I am not proud of. I wish I could go back but I am just trying to move forward and not let that scared, hurt, woman lead my decision making any longer.
The bottom-line: what do you hope to accomplish by asking him? You are pushing R talks and it is going to continue to push him away. You know what he is doing- you know that it is hurtful and embarrassing and humiliating. The whole thing is...
But here's the deal - YOU know. So does it change anything? In my mind it shouldn't. The whole thing is part of the craziness of MLC. It doesn't make sense - that's why YOU have to make sense. What are YOU doing to take care of yourself? Confronting him isn't taking care of yourself or defending yourself - it is just hurting him. YOU are better than that. Use this board to proclaim your hurt and humiliation - to him, be the model of calm acceptance and loveliness.
I know this is not easy! But it is the right thing to do! Do the next right thing:)
PS - I hope the senior members of the board are impressed with my use of capitals with the word YOU:) If I look back at my thread I think you all used it a million times:) OK - I'm getting it:)
Have a great day - I will check back in on you this evening!
Last edited by irishblessings; 07/14/1002:28 PM.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I use caps and itals and bold to stress words all the time.
There is an electric socket....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!
: )
Something to think about.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 07/14/1002:55 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
^^^^^ There's a lot of wisdom in that there post. ^^^^^
L, Take the focus off H and what he's doing and put it where it belongs, on you.
I know how hard that is because I've been where you are. Sometimes I still go there, and always end up with an OWWW on my finger. You'll find it's not worth it.
Even if you managed to stop your H from going on the dating sites, he will manage to find another way to sneak around. If you think about it, it's exactly the way teens act when you tell them, no.
Sweetie, I know how you're feeling, how much it hurts, and how scared you are. Please formulate a plan for yourself so you can move forward and know that you'll be OK no matter what happens. Once you do, you'll start to feel better. Do whatever it is you have to do to lookout for yourself. At this time you're the only one that is able to do that.
I use caps and itals and bold to stress words all the time.
There is an electric socket....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!....maybe this time it won't hurt when I stick my finger in it.....OWWW!
I think he's here because it's convenient. I do his laundry, make his meals, keep a nice home, and all his exercise stuff is here. Besides that he has a place to stay when he is working in town. Or maybe he has a L coaching him to come back and make it look like he's working on it so he can say that he tried when he files for D. Or maybe he just wants everyone to think he's trying so they don't hate him when he files. Maybe maybe maybe..it doesn't matter really does it. I'll never know unless he tells me.
He's not working on the R like he says he is. He has done nothing since he's been home but be here..he told me it would take some time to get OW out of his system and to just give him time. And what's he doing with the time..looking for another OW.
I found Eric, Grace, Gritt, and PEI on FB. Didn't find Jack, Mach, Warrior, Snodderly, Puppy, irish, or Allen..or cat, seekinganswers. Are you guys on there?
