- if you moved out and kids are involved, did you agree on a temporary custody arrangement before you went? Did it form the basis of the permanent one? I just don't want to shoot myself in the foot by establishing something that may not work in the long-run. I've heard that legally, it's hard to change something that's established like that.
I think you should. I believe legal precedents can be set by what has been allowed.
- same question for temporary support- I *might* get a little child support, that's it. Do I ask for it now or will I still be able to get it later, even though I'll have been living on my own without it by then?
Same as above.
And, if anyone can help with these- here's some pros and cons to the moving now:
PROS for moving now - I'll be doing it on my own schedule and be able to take my time moving, etc. if I start now, rather than hitting that hard stop. - I'll be out of H's daily interactions - I'm afraid if I don't move on one of the apts I found(not so great, but one of few that takes the pets) now, it will be gone in a month or two. - child will have a pool for rest of summer and hanging out at a pool is also a good way to make new friends for her and me before the fall sets in
CONS - I'm not 100% sure what rent I can afford, esp depending on how much of child's daycare I have to pay. I'm working on figuring this out, but it's very complicated. - I'll suddenly have no regular free childcare (I'm actually very lucky in that I get to go out pretty regularly to do stuff for me, and although it's a little like pulling teeth, H will stay home with child when I do- moving out makes that a lot harder). - will shake up child sooner than we need to - no custody, support, pet custody decided yet, and these may be hard to negotiate now, particularly any child support- H will balk and become nasty, I think. - Hence, I probably won't have my child more than 50% of the time, which won't be good for me or my child. I don't think my child can go w/out seeing me fore more than a day. - even though it's what he wants, H will probably be pissed if I go now - I don't need him meaner and more vindictive, we still have to negotiate. - won't have A/C except in the living room, which right now is a problem. I'm home all day and don't tolerate the heat well. - I have no furniture- this is hard to explain. In a few months, I'll have access to some that's now in storage, but most of it is too big for an apt. I have no bed, dresser, desk, etc. so would have to buy all of that before moving. - if I wait a little longer til I know more if I'll get any child support, it might open up some more possibilities in terms of what I can afford. - I'll have to start paying a lot more with a new rent, sooner, when I could be saving money or paying off debt. - I am very sure that I will be obsessed with H's whereabouts and who he'd with if I couldn't keep an eye on him. There's no OW, I'm pretty sure, but my imagination runs wild already (with no proof of anything- I'm just like that) and I see him everyday. - I'm afraid it will "cement" the D process. No one has filed yet, but if I go, he may think that I'm 100% done and I'm not sure I want to send that message....
Looks like there are more cons, but a lot of them are going to be true no matter when I move. It's a question of whether life will be better or worse if I do it now and how much sooner, or for how much longer. Several friends are urging me to move out b/c they see how the interactions with H are affecting me daily, but it just seems like there are a lot of reasons not to do that before I have to...
Btw, I have an IC and discuss all this with that person regularly. I'm not in any danger, but it's getting me down a lot of days to live with him...
thanks for any input- [/quote]
You don't sound sure. Perhaps you should wait for more clarity. Caring for your child and providing for her should be a top priority.
