You have come so far. You know to expect the doubts and second thought from her. I don't mean to say that you shouldn't be devestated, I would be too.
Hopefully, it is part of your W realizing what a mess she has created. If the light bulb is just now going off over her head, she should feel like crap. She should feel guilty and like you could never forgive her. IDK what the answer is, sorry. Maybe agree with her. "You are right. What you have done is unforgiveable. But I am your husband and I take resposibilty for my part in this mess. You can't tell me what I can or can't get over. It is my choice to move past this and I can move past it only with your help. I will never hold it over your head in the future. That's not how I am wired. If your not sure about forgiving yourself, I can't help you with that. All that I can tell you is that together, we can be better than we ever were. We have both learned some hard lessons and won't make the same mistakes again."
That may be a little pie in the sky, but you get my point.(I think) Agree that she shouldn't be forgive but assure her that you are man enough to do it no matter if she deserves it or not.
I know you are crushed right now. Don't lose hope.
