She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

lol robx. I like the way you put that.

It's a bit of shock when the WAS realizes the amazing fantasy life they imagined isn't reality. When it hits them head on it does have a bit of a shocking impact. My W just drinks her shocks away. But that's just a numbing...the stuff is still in there even though the alcohol is keeping it from rising to the surface.

My SIL said to me yesterday - "It will be interesting to see how this all pans out for her."

Only time will tell. We are still battling over crap, so there isn't a real finality to any of it yet. She has a battle she can fight; a reason to claim victim-hood; someone to complain about and blame for everything (yours truly); a mother who jumps on the bandwagon with her; friends and family that won't call her on her BS.

What will happen when all of that finally disappears?

[WalkingMan]

Who knows, if ever. My X-inlaws dont even know the half of it and partly because they dont want to get involved or bury thier heads in the sand. Meanwhile, the Xw complains about having bad karma and continues to beleive that she is not responsible for her decisions.

End the end, it does not matter. It is now about you, and the world no longer revolves around the WAS.

[par4me]

Sounds like you guys are in a much better place than me. What I am saying is that I wish I were you. You guys sound much healthier, like you have just about gotten control of your life, your own life with out codependancy of another person to give them happiness. Way to go. Jeff

[steady]

Jeff,

Be careful when you compare you're insides to someone else's outsides. It just doesn't work.

A friend once said to me:

If everyone took your life crap and put in a bag, then threw it in a big pile in the middle of the room, and everyone got to see it all, you'd be scrambling to get your bag back.

[tbart01]

Unfortunately the W and kids will be moving out this weekend. This was a step I had known was coming. but I was hoping could still be avoided.

It just kills me to know that everything I worked for to ensure my children would have was for the most part for nothing. They still have me and always will, but there family home and life as they knew it has been stripped.

It's very sad how the WS gets so selfish and destroys everyone in there family. I'm hanging in there as best as i can, but it still hurts like hell.

I definitely don't show any emotion about this in front of my W. She has the power to turn this insanity off, but lacks the ability. This isn't where I envisioned my life going, but then again I'm sure none of us ever did.

[robx]

I'm assuming you have joint custody and didn't settle for being a weekend dad, you will adapt and your kids will too ;-)

[tbart01]

I will still get to see them everyday, except for two weekends a month. That was most important to me.

[robx]

you mean you will have primary custody of your kids?

[tbart01]

No, it's joint custody with her as domicilary. I get to pick up D4 from daycare everyday and take her to my house. My D15 will come to my house after school. When my W gets off work she'll come pick up the kids. Thankfully, she also thinks that it's important for me and the kids to see each ther often.

[steady]

tbart I'm not sure what state you live in, but here in NY there are two terms for custody. One is legal custody and the other is physical custody. Most often joint custody is awarded for legal custody. That's the decision making process for different issues regarding the children - both parents have to come to an agreement on these things before they can be done. The other custody is physical custody. That's the one which is visitation and dictates who pays child support to the other party.

Did you get any overnights during the week with your D's? I'm fighting for actual 50/50 physical custody, or close to it. After the psych evaluation, the rotation the psychologist suggested as a guideline basically gave me a little over 40% during the school year and 50% during the summer and all their school breaks.

I was just wondering if you're giving her too much in the physical custody department. Also, in NY a 15 year old has a lot of power in deciding who she wants to live with, how often they want to see each parent, etc...

I know it really sucks man. But I just want to make sure you don't make a mistake I nearly made early in this separation/divorce process. I almost rolled over and gave her what she wanted in the hopes of not rocking the boat and killing any last chance of reconciliation.

I'm glad I listened to the family and friends I have who slammed me with 2x4's and woke me up to fight for myself and my rights concerning my children.