I feel pretty proud of myself. She called today and said she needed to talk to me really bad but don't text or call because her husband was getting mad. I told her that i would not text or call her again and that she needed to leave me alone and by leave me alone-don't call, text, email or do anything to contact me. I told her I do not mess with married women and had no desire to talk to ever again. She said that she was my wife and I had to talk to her. I just hung up and would not talk to her anytime that she called today. I will not talk to her again. Not for the rest of my life. I will not be there. No more money or any support. Not my job.
But all you need to do is lose the anger/resentment.
So you are doing it right but without the correct motivation. Halfway, my friend. And that's good. Better than most. I had the detachment but couldn't do it right. Worse.
You'll need more understanding and "feel" of detaching.
Put "detaching" in the search bar and just read anything that comes up/
I'll dig through some of the 'gold" I've recieved and try to copy and paste.
The only anger/resentment I have is that my old best friend is acting crazy and I don't truely understand why. Yes, there is the drugs but still, there actions?
That is a question that I can't answer. I would like for her to be like her old self, drug free. It can't happen. Would I take her back? Somedays I would, some days I would not. It is not on my goal sheet. That is get over it and move on with my life. I think hope for something as bad as my situation is really a bad thing for me and counterproductive in getting over her so I try not to to have any hope of getting back.
I do wonder what she wanted to talk about yesterday. She called and said she had to talk to me. Her husband was mad that she had been talking to me(cant blame him for that) so don't call or text that she would call me back. That is when I told she was married and I dont want to be involved with a married women. So, I don't know what she wanted-more money or possibly to tell me that we shouldn't talk anymore. Heck, just wondering, I guess it matters not.
"Be strong enough to separate yourself from those areas of the others’ life and stop spending time making excuses for them." This was from a reading on codependents. I clearly have been codependent on her for years.
These are reaons given for detachment. I am the perfect person because all these fit me.
Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place, or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place, or thing.
Now that I think some more about it. Yes Mr. Bond, I would like to have her back. I do care about her. I do enjoy being around her. Just don't know how to do it. No, I am not taking her phone calls anymore or until she gets the divorce that I am sure is coming. I don't know maybe she is trying to work it out with him. I don't know what she is thinking or doing.I really don't want to take her calls anymore because it will probably be just something that hurts my feelings or something I will think about all day when I can just think that she is unhappy like last time we talked.
That's fine if that's what you ultimately want. Maybe write a list of the things you would like to see changed in your relationship with her (such as no drugs, rehab, couples counceling, etc.) and tuck it away somewhere for the future.
Show her that you are there for her for support BUT you will not enable her behavior. Continue to get yourself healthy and happy and MAYBE she'll follow you because she wants that for herself as well.
I wouldn't say totally cut off all communication. Be there as a friend would be. No sending money. No last minute rescues unless she was in serious danger. And you can't do that until you get your own head on straight. Be the leader not the lead.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
