WAW still around, DBing starting to work

[gutwrenching]

Everything just went down the drain. She decided she wasn't sure about trying any more. She went on long drive came back in tears, saying she was broke. She doesn't know what is wrong with her. Over and over about she is broke and she has to figure out what is wrong. Doesn't know if I can be around while she does this.

This led to talk of severe guilt. Guilt seems to be what stops her from working on things. Guilt of secrets of the past. Other As. She told me about all of them. PA and EA. Most recent has been only EA she swears, and since she filled me on the PA of others...

Says current EA is over. They still exchange an email every once in a while, last time being 10 days ago.

We were up very late. She slept on the couch, her choice

She thinks she has destroyed the M. Says now that everything is in the open, she doesn't think the M can go on. She said when I didn't know, the M could go on. But she still waffles. Today she and I both agreed that we each need to figure out if we can do this or not. I also told her that we had to get everything in the open if we had any chance to move forward. No more secrets.

She says I deserve better. I said I do, but maybe that better is a new M for both of us, I'm not sure, but yes I deserve better.

Her depression is bad. She did call doc today. I am a wreck too. Tough hearing all this especially with how incredibly well things were going. Roller coaster doesn't do this one justice. This is literally falling off a cliff.

I had to fight off feelings of depression this morning.

I am not sure if I can handle all this or not. I still love her, still want her healed, but can I ever think about anything other than what she told me. I think maybe, but I don't know.