BG: I am SO SORRY! I know exactly how you feel as I've been in your shoes before. It's extremely hurtful to read these kinds of things that your H has sent to another woman. There is no pain like it known to man/womankind! Just know you WILL get through it! You WILL be OK!
I don't know that I have a whole lot of advice to give at the moment other than you have to find your self respect at ALL costs, now more than ever! It will serve you well in the days to come.
If you can hold off on saying anything to H, definitely do so. You want to be prepared and in control when you confront him! You also want to get legal advice to ensure the security of you and your daughter!
You are in shock right now and you need to give yourself time to calm down and create a plan. You need to think about:
1. what is best for your child 2. what is best for you 3. how to achieve those
Keep your cards close to your chest right now. Don't reveal what you know because knowledge is power. Whatever plan you come up will probably require several steps. Act from your logic and intelligence, not your impulses.
Take care of yourself. One day at a time.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I know you are damaged and your heart is pounding so fast you can't stand it. What do you tell a person that just found out their spouse, their mate is cheating on them. It is a sickening feeling, I feel bad for you because I know that feeling. I know what it feels like to have some one that you trusted betray you. Usually your spouse is one of the few people that you truely trust and it is a lonesome feeling to be betrayed by the one person you believed in. All I can say is that I am living the same thing you are in a different part of the world. Only you can make yourself sick about it. You can control your emotions, only you can let it bother you. Doesn't help does it. Didn't help me either. But those words are true. Don't start blaming yourself for what somebody else choose to do. Try to keep your spirits up somehow someway. Read and write and these boards. It helps me greatly. My story is insane. It is insane that I still care for my ex. Jealousy is one of the worst feelings in the world. The grass is almost never greener on the other side. Your story is not over. It is just beginning. Try to be patient and see how it plays out. Don't hate. That is another emotional mind killer that just won't you function. I know you can't do the things I am asking because I live in the same world. But I know those two emotions are just killers-it messes up your sleep, you eating, your life. But mine and your lives are not over-in fact one day maybe they will both be better. Heck, I am up at 4am. That is not normal for me. I am sorry for you. If I could I wished I was the only one on these boards. That I was the only one of us that had to live with this pain. At least it would just be one of us instead of a ton of people. It almost makes a person never want to love again. You don't get to experience the joy of love but you never have to hurt again. I am not being very comforting, sorry, but just know that you are not alone. There are others in the world that are totally blown away by the actions of someone they trusted. I just don't understand how and why people do this to each other. I really don't think that I could or would hurt someone like this on purpose with no care, no consideration for their feeling, totally selfish. But, I am sorry that you are having to live this nightmare. Please be good to yourself and I will check your posts tomorrow. I want you to be better and let this only have a small effect on your life instead of devestating your world.
Well I thought I would just let anyone who is interested know what has become of me. I couldn't hold myself together and keep the info to myself. After reading more of the texts (I know I shouldn't have) I was so disgusted. This women has such a trucker mouth...she really is trash. The stuff she was writing to him I can't even imagine doing or saying. It disgusting and then I found the kicker of all texts. I hope this was fantasy but it involved them having sex and her holding my daughter while they are doing it.
Oh YES!
My daughter is involved in their sexual fantasy!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!
I want to kill him.
I confronted him and he finally finally confessed!!! But all that loser cares about is her. I had to go to the point of showing him the file on the computer though b/c he still wouldn't fess up. I have made copies so I know that if I need to use this I will be able to. Quite obviously there is nothing left to repair.
I actually still did give him one last chance. He told me he would do whatever I wanted just don't hurt the OP. I told him he could repair our life and marriage. He returned with he couldn't do that and that if we stay together we will be unhappy and he can't bear to see me miserable.
He again told me that he respects me for the person I am and for being D's mother but that there is nothing there. He doesn't love me as a lover...he tried but nothing is left. He now knows what it is to be happy being with OW.
It has been a huge blow to me but i am no longer willing to fight. I can't compete with OW and I don't want to.
OBTW she is his employee. At his company this is immediate dismissal and when I called his work way back and his coworker told me he suspected an affair he was right and right on the money with who.
It is so disgusting. I think he might have actually had sex with her at work on the premises.
I am so dying to just send the messages to his work and get them both fired but I won't b/c I will need him to pay support for our D.
So there will be no more DBing for me. Stick a fork in me....I'm done!!
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
I now have to wonder how many times my daughter was exposed to this piece of vermen. I pray that he did not have sex with her with my daughter present. Unfortunately I can't be certain.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
I haven't been on in a while because I have been trying to come to terms that my marriage is over. I have been to a lawyer and things just continue to get worse and worse. when is this going to stop? I have gone from finding out that my husband is having an affair that he has no intention of stopping and wants out of our marriage to thinking that at least I will get to keep my house, to finding out that he is not going to give me my house and is planning to take me for every last penny that I have.
The latest is that he has now destroyed my relationship with my best friend of 22yrs. It is crazy! I have been holding on to a secret of hers for over a year and I did tell my husband about 2mo after she told me this secret and now he has been black mailing me with telling her what he knows. I gave her the heads up and then I know he did send her an email asking to talk to her and now I have received an email to never talk to her again and to keep it to myself.
I just can't believe this is happening. She was like a sister to me. I know that she is probably just trying to protect herself and her family but really i don't understand why people won't take responsibility for what they have done and want to blame me for the stupid mistakes that they make.....I am sure you all can just imagine what the secret that i have been keeping about her is.
Why do people do this? Why do they think that they can just get away with sh*t and not be held accountable?
Today my husband informed me that someone has tipped off his work and they are going to be pulling his phone records to investigate him. I am not even sure if they can legally do this but it is a company phone and so now he will surely be fired. I assume that even if you delete these texts that there is some sort of record of them on the server. He is such a moron for using his work phone to communicate with her and he has no one to blame but himself but guess who he is blaming?
Yes yours truly! Of course I would love to see him fired but I need him to keep his job so he can pay for my daughter. I can't understand how he can think that I am lying when he knows full well that I have never once lied in our relationship.
Just because he is a pathological lier does not make me the same!
I have probably experienced every emotion there is and now I am just numb!
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
oh yes, we are all to blame for what happens to the wayward spouse.
my truck broke down- it was jstar's fault i got fired - it was jstar's fault i got a speeding ticket- it was jstar's fault
tell your husband to blame since i'm taking it for mine with everything that goes wrong.
if you want some financial uplifting-read DanF's post named What to tell the kids.
I am in the same boat as you with the money, only thing is i'm maxed for my income in my career unless i get a phd, took another %loss in income-teacher.
i think the was's know what they are doing wrong and blame us because they just can't deal.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
My saga continues..... Last night I discovered that my H had stolen my tax folder. I needed my notice of assessment b/c my mastercard that I use for my business is actually a joint card and he is the primary...yes I know stupid move and I always meant to change it but never got round to it. I never thought this would happen to me though. Anyway we tried to talk to them about making me primary on the card since I am the only one using it and they refused. So I had planned to go down today get my own card and then just cancel the other card.
I needed my NOA so that they can see that I am making money. When you own your own business it is so hard to get people to give you stuff....ie. credit cards, loans etc. Anyway he took my tax folder and wouldn't give it back.
I was furious and we argued. I just got home and the folder is on the steps with a note saying that he is sorry and doesn't want to steal things from each other and to leave eachother alone.
I just fell to pieces crying. What is happening to us? How did we become such enemies? How did I become so angry? This is not who I am but yet how can I just lie down and accept what he has done. At the end of the day this is what i am going to have to do.
I don't know how to just let go and accept it and be okay with it.
It is killing me inside. I just feel like a little more is stripped off of me each day. Some days I am numb to the pain and other days it is so unbearable.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
