This is right out of the Overcoming Infidelity book dude :


This is one of the hardest things for me to
convince people to do, and it is the one of the
most essential moves you can make. Perhaps
eve n t he mo st essential. This step is more
important than all of those listed above. If you
do everything else but ignore the call to expose
the affair , you are enabling your partner by
making it safe and easy for him or her to
continue the self destructive behavior.

Affairs are addictions that flourish in dark and
hidden places. They are fantasies built on deceit
œ both in the exterior world and within the inner
realms of the participants. Often times affairs
end only upon being exposed.