I've never had depression that I know of. Not even dysthymia. I do not seem to keep the symptoms long enough to qualify Though I did come close when I was a teenager, according to my father.
I suspect it is a 'blue mood' caused by illness and stress and compounded to by anniversaries and the holidays... If so it should pass soon. I just have to hang on and be functional in the process.
My flu went away last Wednesday. It was not really flu (no headache or body aches, just cough, coryza and high fever), or it may have been a 'forma frustre' due to the vaccine. In all it lasted 4 days and I have been feeling like this since Friday. Feeling blue for 4 days does not qualify as depression in any diagnostic manual that I am aware of :0
So I will plod around and wait for this to pass... I do not have a holiday feeling at all.
I think my H is catching my mood, because he looks at me in a weird way. He has been very attuned to my body language lately.
I do not even care that H called OW again over the weekend... His behavior has been distant and just plain weird... but that could be a reflection of my mood.
The Shania Twain concert was rather disappointing. I had expected a better show. And she was hoarse.
If someone finds my rose-colored glasses, please don't step on them.
On a more optimistic note: H just called to see if I will go have breakfast with him . I did not even feel tempted to try and make time into my schedule But I think I faked interest well (acting 'as if' is becoming second nature).
Was that optimistic?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Sorry you are in a funk. I think you have it right, all the stress you have been under, possibly your body just telling you to relax and take it easy. Rent some comedies. Be a vegetable for a few days. I always heard two weeks before it is worrisome. Go get a pedicure, I've heard they are fun, do something frivilous for yourself and read some trashy novels. Everyone deserves a break from reality.
I think part of my funky feeling is the holidays: I used to be big on the family-meal-with-everybody-invited thing, just to learn that for the last 5 years our holidays were a lie. I just do not feel like doing the thing again... What, more lies?
Can I go to sleep and wake up in Jan 2, please?
I am even starting to get neurotic about my H: where is he, what is he doing, where is his ring, what does he do, is he lying to me? The whole cheeseless tunnel thing. I should know better.
I am taking time for myself. I watch DVDs and I've re-read the whole library of science fiction and fantasy (all Tolkien, all Harry Potter, the Majipoor series by R. Silverberg, the whole Narnia thing and I just finished the latest Tamora Pierce). My favorite authors do not seem to be able to write fast enough for me.
Even old, tried and trusty Georgette Heyer...
Two weeks: I can do two weeks!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Can you begin to plan something different for the holidays? Just the three of you go away for the holidays? Or go out to dinner at some fancy restaurant? Something new, a new tradition?
Yes, I had been thinking about it. The problem is I work on TG, so we cannot leave town. And I used to loved to spend weekends in FW, until I learned H used to take OW to the same hotel
I have been contemplating the idea of telling H about my holiday blues and asking him for suggestions on what to do. But I do not want to appear as if I blame him. What do you guys think?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Clearly you know more than a bit about psychology! Have you ever read Wally Lamb's "I know this much is true?"...It's not fantasy or sci-fi, but I LOVE Harry Potter and was positively addicted to the Narnia books as a kid. It's a BIG meaty book that you can get lost in.
It IS about a pair of twins...one schizophrenic, one not...not a happy tale per se...but a gripping read.
I know that last year I just took it one day at a time...much easier for not having kids to worry about. We did end up going to my folk's for the traditional family dinner and despite it being weird, I LOVED having my family around. In fact at CJ's Sis's on boxing day (Dec 26th) I got his BIL to take a photo of me with the women in his family in case it was our last Holidays together.
Who knows? Maybe you'll do something different this year, maybe you'll find the energy to do what you usually do (are you always the hostess??...Could someone else do it this year?). Either way, you WILL get through it, and who knows? Maybe even have a good time~
Well, I tried Jackie's suggestion and he did not have any ideas. He sounded a bit upset at the question even. And he was definitely p****d at a rather innocent question about an appointment with the CPA on Wednesday.
One good thing, however. He picked up on my ambivalence about cooking for TG and offered to bring some from a local eatery. So that is taken care of. Maybe a bad move (he has always associated love with cooking for someone) but I do not feel up to working, taking care of our D and cooking. One less thing to worry about.
He left early for work this morning. Had woken up at 5:30 am and broke my water glass trying to check the time He picked up the pieces and we snuggled for a little while, then he got a page and left 'for work'.
We went last night to do the toy list for Santa and he offered to go today and do the shopping. I am taking D to ice skating class.
Is he more distant and irritable or is it a reflection of my mood?
I ramble...
Ten more days...
Decided to add my positives (maybe if I write them down I will actually feel them )
1. He called in the morning to take me to breakfast.
2. We went window shopping for Christmas
3. We watched TV together after dinner, snuggling in the sofa
4. He told me ILY when he left (did not the first time, but came back to pick something up and I was in the bathroom)
5. He is still wearing his ring, at least when we are out together.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Not much to say, but I did want to drop in and lend some moral support. Optimist is wise, Optimist is strong in spirit! You'll know what to do for yourself - hang in there.
I'm feeling the same way..sort of well, just mundane. We need a plan to lift our spirits, girl! Here in Ak, it's getting darker all the time and colder. Although things are ok with me and H...I am not happy. That means I have to do something to make myself happy.
What to do? I put up my Christmas lights and that didn't help. Next? I'll bake some Christmas cookies and maybe go get my hair colored or something nice for me.
Now, what about you? What could you do for you? Buy a great new outfit for Thanksgiving? Splurge a bit...get your hair done or nails or toenails?
Give yourself an early Christmas present...something you really want...new coat? new shoes? new boots? new hairstyle?
See if there are any craft classes that teach you how to make a holiday decoration....take one! Mingle with some new folks!
I don't know what it is that will help for sure...I just know you and I are both the keys to our own happiness...so let's get turning in our locks and see what we can come up with!
Though I did come close when I was a teenager, according to my father.
. I did not even feel tempted to try and make time into my schedule 
But I think I faked interest well (acting 'as if' is becoming second nature).
