Have you ever had to contend with anything like this from your H before? From what I understand once they go all the way through and come out the other side of MLC tunnel it doesn't happen again.
How long do you think ow will put up with your H's health issues? He must have a hard time keeping up with her.
It's up to you of course whether if/when your H returns you want to try and work it out with him.
Look at it this way. With your H you know what you have. With someone new you're rolling the dice again.
I do understand where you're coming from with this line of thinking though. I think about it, too.
Yes, SA, I've done this before. 8-9 years ago, before he was first being sent to Iraq, his drinking became outrageous again and he had a 'fling' with his then best friend's wife. He'd come and go for 3 days at a time. When he was sober, he was the best man ever, but at night, he would began to drink and watch out! I used to go to bed at 8:00 and pretend to be asleep, and even then that didn't always work. He would wake me up to yell at me. He was in command of the detachment being sent to Iraq, and our new house burned down (arson). No excuses for him, but stress + drink = WATCH OUT. That is one reason I was so looking forward to his retirement. THAT particular stress factor would be gone. This lasted almost 9 months, but snapped completely out of it before leaving for Iraq, where, of course, he could not drink. I had actually congratulated myself on getting through the MLC of his life and now we could move on peacefully. Little did I know. He did return with PTSD, and did try medications, but with his injuries and reactions to meds, drink became his drug of choice again. That, with the stress of being the NCOIC (translation: BIG MAN ON CAMPUS) at his job, well, I thought he'd hold out just a few more months. It's all very discouraging. I DO love him, but don't want to be the old lady with the cane whose wheelchair bound husband exposes himself to all the old ladies in the lunchroom at the retirement center.
Did your H ever express any remorse for what he'd done the first time around?
Has your H always acted this way in times of extreme stress?
I believe from what I've read that MLC can be interrupted. It's a possibility that's what may have happened the first time around. From what I understand, MLC will not be denied and if interrupted it will be entered into at some point with a vengeance. (Vets, please chime in if I'm mistaken.) Add to that your H's PTSD and you've got a doozy on your hands.
Have you seen confusion at all from your H since this started this time around? I believe you said it took you completely by surprise when he left you. Was there any evidence that he had planned it when you think back in hindsight?
Was your H self medicating with drink before he tried the drugs that were prescribed, or did that come afterward?
Punkin, I hope you don't mind me asking you these questions. If you do just tell me to STFU.
Being in the military and deployed has been hard on so many families!
SA...I think you are right as that is what happened with my H...9 yrs ago, he had his first A, short-lived and moved out for about 6 weeks then begged to come home! It was interrupted..not sure what triggered it to come back with a vengeance...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Home from another day at work. The very first thing I do is run to my computer to see what everybody has been doing today.
SA & CW - My husband was the kindest, most remorseful man you ever saw. His letters to me from Iraq, his cards and phone calls, all said how he was so sorry and how happy he was that I had stuck it out for him. That he would never hurt me like that again. That he would never put his job in front of me again.
Since his return, our focus has been on his impending retirement, which we knew was coming up. I have always been in charge of finances, and had it down to nothing but our house pymt and utilities. We've worked very well together as a loving team. The stress began to show about December, when they made him the NCOIC of Ft. Chaffee. The depression and drinking became worse.
Long story short, I am taking a letter to my lawyer explaining just how I have been a loving, supportive, working wife all these years, and that I will do anything to avoid divorce. I erased the part about he could have one when I was damn good and ready - made me sound like a bitter old bit#h. I know in this state you cannot keep someone from a divorce if they want one, you can only stall. And I am going to stall with all the grace and love that I can to the lawyers and judge - until after November 16th, at which time I get full insurance benefits for life, and am planning to clean his clock.
I do still love the man I married. I just don't know where he is. It's his job to find his way back to me. God's will will never take me where God's love does not protect me.
That when I wake up tomorrow morning, we've ALL had a good night's sleep, and none of us was up at 2:00 A.M. posting because we felt our lives had turned to sh*t. That we all sleep soundly and wake up knowing we are good people who have done and are doing the very best that we can.
OK, saw my Lawyer today. Here's the scoop. WH's attorney is not known for his lightening response to anything, so we are going to sit here quietly and wait for his next move, which will be motivated by OW. We can postpone on any number of items, as WH has not returned any of the Questions sent by my attorney.
I asked if I could have the case dismissed due to my WH's PTSD diagnosis and refusal of counseling. He said actually, in the state of Arkansas, I can have it dismissed on the grounds of adultery. Yes, that's right, I said DISMISSED. In other words, if I'm willing to put up with it, he has to shut up about it.
