New here, not sure where to start

[Grace_O]

But now to actively be seeking women and probably screwing every woman that comes on to him

So, he's really that smokin' HOT huh? He has that many women come onto him? Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

I get what you're saying. I can also tell you, you don't know what he's really doing, just what he ways he wants to do.

or any of the other guys who think that hurting people who have been there for you and given everything to support you, love you, try to make you happy..that hurting and betraying them is ok..it's just not.

I won't argue that it's ok. I will say that while I think I did all of these things to, what I've come to realize is that I wasn't able to see his pain and he didn't see all of what I did as being supportive, giving everything, etc.

I can also tell you that while trying to make my H happy, he felt alot of pressure b/c I (we) were trying to make him happy.

The decision is yours to make. I would advise making it out of anger.

HUGS

[Mach1]

yea..pretty much. I don't want to have a H that can do these things to me and think it's ok. That's just wrong and doesn't make him the person I want to be with the rest of my life.

Thats good then, that way you'll always have him to blame and be the victim....

For me, that is disrespectful to anyone that is trying to help you....

It was one thing to meet someone, spend time with them and develop feelings for them. That was hard enough for me to deal with. But now to actively be seeking women and probably screwing every woman that comes on to him while he's traveling..no thanks.

You are absolutely correct.....

Unless of course you aren't..

And don't think I am not thinking that he's doing it to push me into giving up. Because that could be too. But it doesn't matter why he is doing these horrible things to me..it matters that he's doing them.

Absolutely not thinking that....

That would be quite unfair for me to make an assumption about why or what another person is doing, going through, or feels and turn it to justify MY actions......


Good luck Tay.....

[Truegritter]

But it doesn't matter why he is doing these horrible things to me..it matters that he's doing them.

As my good friend Mach said to me when I was in this spot:

So you want to die on this hill?

This is the one huh Taylor?

What happens when someone steals your ice cream cone?

Takes your parking space?

Calls you a name?

Or ___________ fill in the blank.

I am not saying you shouldn't be angry.

I am not saying you shouldn't be hurt.

I am not saying you shouldn't resent him.

RIGHT NOW.

BUT

If you let this break you then people will break you the rest of your life because they can.

WHY?

Because you let them...

1 Corinthians 13

When I was child

I used to speak as a child

Think as a child

Reason as a child;

When I became a man,

I put aside my childish things.



Taylor...





Taylor...





Listen to me...






This thing that you are here to do is NOT about whether you want your H after he did these terrible things.

This is a journey for YOU.

SO forget about your cheating, skirt chasing husband right now.

This is about finding YOU.

AND

The amazing gift that lies within in you.

You think I'm blowing sunshine up your A$$?

Then you are free to ignore me AGAIN.

AND

Ignore all the other folks that have posted to you here.

Go back and read over your thread.

Then

Read it again.

Then

Again.

All the answers have been given to you.

You are letting your pain, hurt and vengence make you deaf, dumb and blind.

Are you going to die on this hill?

[irishblessings]

ltaylor -
These same questions/doubts etc. have crossed my mind MANY times through the past few years - and you are right the Tiger syndrome or whatever is real - but Eric is right "better or worse" "sickness or health" - here's the deal

At one point - 3 years ago - I thought infidelity would be a dealbreaker. And then I had to look at my family, friends, extended family - basically OUR life - and I had to ask myself "does a handful of bad erase years of good?" - I even went to the point of calculating the total number of days/minutes etc. that we had been together and dividing it by the estimated "bad times" or "strays" - and guess what - the good far outweighed these moments. AND I had to own my own s**t - maybe my controlling was a betrayal of respect to him.

It is not easy - and it is not interpreted the same way by all - but for ME - this is who I am and what I am about - and it is the standard I want to model for my kids.

Who knows...maybe I am a fool - but I'll go down fighting:) You can do this! It is the good fight!

[job]

Taylor,
You are allowing your pain and anger to drive your train. You cannot do think rationally when you are angry or hurt. Step back from your situation and start doing things for YOU. Start thinking about what YOU can do to make YOUR life better.

Every poster has given you excellent advice and they all have said the same thing....focus on YOU, do for YOU.

Let me tell you something, your h may think he's hot, but I bet that he thinks all of the women are looking at him and coming on to him....they most likely are looking and thinking he's nuts. It's his fantasy to live out. The Wonderland will turn to Oz in due time.....

Take are of you. You are allowing him to get into your head all of the time and you are allowing your emotional state to affect your health. You've got to take back the control over you.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

The satistics for 1st marriages ending in divorce are roughly half as in 50%.

Did you know that 2nd marriages ending in divorce are even higher?

And 3rd marriages higher still.


Now I am willing to be that there are a bunch of reasons for this...

Just as I am willing to bet that once you learn to give up it becomes that much easier to do so in the future. Betting that is right up there as one of the top 5 reasons, 2nd and 3rd marriages fail.


Comes a point in time when you have to look at the common denominator in why a realtionship fails.

Now...alot of folks here, they might not have 'saved' their 1st marriage or realtionship with the spouse that brought them here, but they sure as sure leanred not to quit and they learned what it takes to fight.

The folks here who roll up their sleves and work on themselves? I believe they...you know F-it. WE, are the ones who succeed more often than not in our next realtionship.

Think about Taylor.

Learn to fail or learn to fight. I am not saying you won't fail IF you fight, I am saying give it your all, quit only when you are spitting blood and have nothing left to give and even then make it so that you regret nothing and fade to black with a smile on your face in spite of it all.

[warriorshadow]

Taylor,
I keep reading the same stuff over and over on different threads.
The women he is attracting is the opposite of you. (ie. if he is in
MLC) I have also read, if in MLC, they are not capable of a REAL relationship with anybody right now. If you could see what I see in
my wife when she is on the alien side, you would see a woman I never met or loved. But, over time, I see glimpses of the woman I love and married. This took me months to really understand and I still have my moments of confusion. Ok, Here is the deal:

If I am so messed up about this and think my wife will come out
of it but she doesn't, what did I lose?

I lost some time in my life which is actually gained free time to
get myself in a place where I feel great about life and myself.
I can't be with the alien. The alien is not cool, fun, or great to be around. I can also tell you that the people that know the alien, know that it is somebody that is not who they once knew. I then can confidently move on knowing I did everything I could to save who I once knew. That was my part of the vows I took.

Now if I give up on the alien and go to the land of no return,
I have lost everything that I have treasured for the entire
20 year marriage. I will always wonder if it could have been different. If I could figure everything out in life, I would call
this situation an ULTIMATE TEST OF FAITH in this life. What a blessing that is to be a participant. You will have no choice but
to take that calling and prove to yourself that you can wear those big girl panties in a difficult time. It is indeed best to
be the LBS. Nobody signed up for this. MLC had to happen. It's what you choose to do with it that will show you and your husband
who you really are.
If you give up, you missed the chance. If you truly loved your husband pre-alien. You can't do a do-over. Is it unfair?
Sure feels that way to me. My sons will know what their dad did
in time. I won't even have to expose it. My wife will do that for me. She won't be able to escape. If she comes back, my sons
won't know what happened but they will learn to stick it out when a marriage gets tough. If she stays alien, my sons will see
what mess she made. It is better to be the LBS. Oh yeah, Already wrote that. Should I write it again? I don't want to be hard on you but it takes time for anyone to have this sink in.

[ltaylor]

you guys are such great cheerleaders. I wonder if it's possible to talk to any one of you privately. There are some things I can't say here.

[ltaylor]

I am listening..not ignoring. I'm just spent.

He doesn't want me..I'm not what he wants anymore. He wants a skinny athletic younger woman to have children with. I'm not any of those things.

I'm sitting here with my little grandson watching a tornado come our way, alone. Dealing with my cheating husband who doesn't want me anymore. Not knowing what the future will hold for me. No job. Nowhere to go if this marriage fails. I'm just so screwed.

And you guys are all rallying behind me. Thanks for that.

[ltaylor]

guess you guys are all gone for the day. I'll talk to you when you can.