I am in a bit of a funk lately and I do not think it has anything to do with my H's behavior. My bro's visit finished yesterday in quite a positive way, though we never had the R talk. H was much more present in the last few days, and we went out to dinner three times with my bro. My H actually proposed some of the outings . We had our massage and enjoyed it. We are going to Shania Twainn tonight.
The problem now is me: I am so... listless? I cannot feel any kind of enthusiasm, not for my H, not for the coming holidays, not for work, or for anything. I am tired and short tempered. Only my D has some ability to make me laugh. Even writing in the BB seemed as too much effort.
It may just be a reaction to all the stress I've been through. Or post-flu blues. Or all of the above.
Right now I am just waiting through the funk, hoping it will be over soon and reading books for pleasure, not information. Nice change.
I sometimes wonder if I will ever regain the sense of belonging that I once had with my H. The sense of something special, of being partners against the world. I know it can be done, because I have seen it. I just do not feel it right know and I wonder if I ever will.
I want to go home... which is stupid, because I am home. It just does not feel like home.
I am rambling...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
. We had our massage and enjoyed it. We are going to Shania Twainn tonight.
