Taylor,
I keep reading the same stuff over and over on different threads.
The women he is attracting is the opposite of you. (ie. if he is in
MLC) I have also read, if in MLC, they are not capable of a REAL relationship with anybody right now. If you could see what I see in
my wife when she is on the alien side, you would see a woman I never met or loved. But, over time, I see glimpses of the woman I love and married. This took me months to really understand and I still have my moments of confusion. Ok, Here is the deal:

If I am so messed up about this and think my wife will come out
of it but she doesn't, what did I lose?

I lost some time in my life which is actually gained free time to
get myself in a place where I feel great about life and myself.
I can't be with the alien. The alien is not cool, fun, or great to be around. I can also tell you that the people that know the alien, know that it is somebody that is not who they once knew. I then can confidently move on knowing I did everything I could to save who I once knew. That was my part of the vows I took.

Now if I give up on the alien and go to the land of no return,
I have lost everything that I have treasured for the entire
20 year marriage. I will always wonder if it could have been different. If I could figure everything out in life, I would call
this situation an ULTIMATE TEST OF FAITH in this life. What a blessing that is to be a participant. You will have no choice but
to take that calling and prove to yourself that you can wear those big girl panties in a difficult time. It is indeed best to
be the LBS. Nobody signed up for this. MLC had to happen. It's what you choose to do with it that will show you and your husband
who you really are.
If you give up, you missed the chance. If you truly loved your husband pre-alien. You can't do a do-over. Is it unfair?
Sure feels that way to me. My sons will know what their dad did
in time. I won't even have to expose it. My wife will do that for me. She won't be able to escape. If she comes back, my sons
won't know what happened but they will learn to stick it out when a marriage gets tough. If she stays alien, my sons will see
what mess she made. It is better to be the LBS. Oh yeah, Already wrote that. Should I write it again? I don't want to be hard on you but it takes time for anyone to have this sink in.