I don't know what kind of bomb I could possibly drop on him.
"I have been thinking about our marriage also and I agree it isn't working. We need to get this wrapped up so I can move on in a healthy way."
You need to let him go (he doesn't want to be married to you), agree with him (drop the rope), and then take care of Shelby. Get your groove back.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
second, i'm not a vet. but i've read a lot of posts. i tend to fly off the handle and i'm a digger - i tend to make snarky comments to my stbxh and it gets me into trouble. my "advice" is really just talking out loud.
i think you should 'act as if' until you have spoken to your lawyer and protect yourself (gucci terms: cover all of your bases financially). he will think 'this is easy .. i love cake.' once that's all done, then give him the "i've been thinking about us and you're right. it took me a while to come to terms with it but i can see where you are coming from and i think d-ing is for the best. i want to look out for our kids' best interest and not disrupt their lives because of this so i think it's best that you move out. the couch is not an option because the kids will ask questions and it just won't work. your stuff is here and the door is over there."
in your best cake nazi voice .. "no cake for you!"
I wish they had a like button or feature here.....
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
You're right. Going to the park was for your girls, and it was DBing. It was the right thing.
He served papers. Now serve yours.
No more fixing him lunches, doing his laundry, hand him a pillow and blanket and wish him luck on the couch, then ask him if he has found an apartment for himself and when he is planning on moving out.
I wish they had a like button or feature here.....
thank you. i will take that as a compliment.
the reason why i gave the suggestion is because if this was like an ambush on shelby, then you have to be smarter than the fox to play this game.
by stopping all cooking, cleaning, and laundry now would be an expected reaction of you. you are reacting with emotion to the d papers. he's pushing your buttons and he knows it. and today, he's prepared himself to not be hungry for cake. so if you shut down the bakery today, he'll just think "i wasn't hungry for cake anyway."
shelby's job is to shut down the bakery when he's most hungry for cake. that oughta be a strong wake up call for him. this is what d life is like. it's stronger message than to react the instant that you get served.
i think you should 'act as if' until you have spoken to your lawyer and protect yourself (gucci terms: cover all of your bases financially). he will think 'this is easy .. i love cake.' once that's all done, then give him the "i've been thinking about us and you're right. it took me a while to come to terms with it but i can see where you are coming from and i think d-ing is for the best. i want to look out for our kids' best interest and not disrupt their lives because of this so i think it's best that you move out. the couch is not an option because the kids will ask questions and it just won't work. your stuff is here and the door is over there."
in your best cake nazi voice .. "no cake for you!"
totally agree. make sure you are protected first. call a L asap. you might even be able to get in today for consultation.
