tired of this

[A_goodman]

Sandi,

Thanks for keeping up with me. I read the Boundries thread. good stuff. R2C had the point that I keep going back to. That being: every time he's angry, he starts searching for a boundry that he SHOULD have set. Upon reflection, I can see that I have never set proper boundries with W. Actually, taking from another post, I expected the well understood boundries of the marriage vows to prevail. Somebody there posed that those are boundries that we impose on OURSELVES voluntarily. Never thought about it from that perspective.

Of course, the corellary to the anger = lack of boundries is that if it doesn't produce feelings of fear, then it probably isn't a boundry. I think I have understood that in the proper context. If so, then the things that I would like to set forth MUST be true boundries, because they are making me nervous. not neccesarily because of the boundry itself, which I want very much, but rather because I can't see a way to set the consequences anywhere short of "this thing is over".

Personally, I would actually look forward to a reprieve from all this and feel like I would fare better without her now. But I have children that didn't do anything to deserve this and I don't want to accelerate this. How do I make the boundry and not jeopardize their security in our family. I've always been willing to gamble if the stakes were high, but not with their welfare in the pot.