And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[MHL]

PEI,

So I get what everyone is saying and I agree and feel the same way about your situation, but respect your decision b/c it is YOUR situation. I often think about how much I have changed and what if my W and I get back together and she hasn't changed.

Would I still want her?

I can not answer that question until I get there and yes it would be risky letting down my guard to be open and vulnerable to getting hurt again. That's what love is.....trusting someone with your heart.

The other reason I would need to wait to get there is that I have not interacted with her as her H since I have changed. Who is to say that once I have applied what I have learned about my role as a H that is aware and sensitive to her needs, that would have an affect on her?? Maybe her change comes about after mine, and it takes more patience later after we are back together. Look at "Piecing", couples still having to work on the M or on each other.

I know that you have read "How to improve your marriage without talking about it", thank you for recommending it. What if you and your husband were back in a R w/o outside influences and you started treating him in such a way that you did not trigger his "shame" index. (For those of you that have not read this book it is very good, explains alot) Is it possible he may change based on how you have "changed"???

I'm not trying to change your mind here just asking you to consider more questions.