Just checking in... How are you? I hope and pray that you are doing something nice for yourself today.
I am on the east coast and it is sunny today. Take a nice walk today if you can. Clear your head. Enjoy the sun. Stay in peace.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Tay, I have read so much on this and I still feel like I don't know squat. I am an analyzer of problems and of course I think I can fix this. Fix what? Fix myself, which is what I would have to do if this divorce goes through. I know I can't fix the alien. They speak martian. Really, when they talk they bait you for arguments and want to declare war. My wife really is in MLC and how do I know? The psychotherapist is behind me with what I say. For instance, my wife will come home from the therapist and not say anything about the visit. I have never tried to pry and find out "How did it go?" Or anything like that. I learned early on that would be pressure. Then what happens is a day or to later she says Dr. so and so said this might have something to do with my dad! Then she said you are like my dad! I am nothing like her dad. He was an alcoholic and treated her mom like crap. I noticed this when I was dating her 20 years ago. After we engaged, I not only was in love with her, but I was her knight in shining armor and took her away from the mess there. I felt good about that but that was not why I married her. She really is a wonderful woman, but nobody gave me the heads up on this BS. We were envied by all of our friends and relatives on the wonderful relationship we had. Everything I read was this is a time bomb that WILL happen and just needs a trigger. I think the trigger was a stressful move to our home 2.5 years ago. My point is, the therapist asks her about her childhood and never asked me anything like that even once. All I get is be the best YOU you can be. So now I do 99% of laundry, dishes, etc. Along with the maintenance of the place. Mowing, fixing and entertaining and transport of my 3 boys. I don't mind so much because I love them very much too. My wife is very much like an android alien in the home. She pretty much does her own thing. She makes her presence known and then goes to work out on an elliptical machine. (She is not working out for me of course! That would be silly!)That is the "Im getting old" part of this that she thinks is happening to her.
She will give me little hints of what is on her mind and what I have read about is their mind is a mess. I still have not found out what is going on in her head. Just yesterday I told her I wish I could live in her head for a couple hours or maybe a day. She told me I would go nuts with the mayhem that is happening. At times she is confused and even says things that do not make sense. For instance, "What Christmas eve service are we going to go to?" and I say "What?" and she says "What Christmas eve service are we going to?" and I say "Christmas eve?" then she looks at me in sheer shock of what she said and it turns into a scared panic look. Um... this was just this last friggin' 4th of July weekend that she said this. These instances of weirdness have been rare in the last six months but I can think of about 3 instances like that. Her voice will trail off and I will act as if nothing happened. My wife is an extremely intelligent woman. When the tractor beam is on, all bets are off. So... GAL.... I think you asked. With 3 boys and a job and a home and a MLC wife, How can you get a life? When the boys are in school I workout. Lost 40+ lbs from 215 down to 170 ish. Yup the LBS diet. At least I did not have to do drugs (AD). Also attend church and bible study. I could not make it without my faith. I have hobbies, but on backburner cause I can't seem to get my head in it yet. That WILL change one way or another. Other women have noticed me now but I don't notice them much. I know that I could bail at anytime and find love again but of course that is not going to work for me at this point. My wife is sick. I am going to take care of her as much as it takes. If she was full of cancer, I would not hesitate to take care of her. If the divorce happens, this is not over. It will just be more mess for me to clean up. I can tell you love your husband very much and I feel for you. Nobody I know understands this thing except for this board. It helps me to be here and vent to you too. Remember this: If you start getting angry and want to do something that is going to be a risk to your long term relationship with your husband, STOP! Give yourself a couple days to think it through. That saved me from making this more of a mess than it already is.
That just took all the wind out of my sails. The vision, the thought of my H kissing or having intimate relations with some stranger who he hopes to connect with and have the children he thinks he wants..it just makes me want to run away and never come back.
Originally Posted By: ltaylor
I don't think I can pretend anymore or live with someone who is deceiving me on a daily basis and then is nice to my face.
"in sickness and in health". "For better or for worse".
This shi* that you are going thru is the worse part.
You will be surprised at what you can handle if you can move aside PRIDE.
Pride - yep...think about that. Think about it before you do anything else and then tell me honestly..that PRIDE is not driving this. Oh...FEAR too...
You can do this.
You don't think you can. I KNOW you can.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
yea..pretty much. I don't want to have a H that can do these things to me and think it's ok. That's just wrong and doesn't make him the person I want to be with the rest of my life. It was one thing to meet someone, spend time with them and develop feelings for them. That was hard enough for me to deal with. But now to actively be seeking women and probably screwing every woman that comes on to him while he's traveling..no thanks.
And don't think I am not thinking that he's doing it to push me into giving up. Because that could be too. But it doesn't matter why he is doing these horrible things to me..it matters that he's doing them.
To your husband if he is reading this I would call him a Mother F*cking COWARD! I would call him a Puss! I would say a ton of things but because I am a nice guy I will not.
As for you ITay - If you feel your identity has been compromised then create a new log in id. Remember this site is for YOU and not YOUR COWARD Husband who can't look at his own issues. That is what I would say.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
and Eric, at this point it's not pride. It's that I am becoming physically ill over the whole thing. I can't sleep at night, feel nauseous all the time, can't eat, have a daily headache. I feel like I'm betraying my principles because I'm pretending it's all ok. I don't want to become like him and not be true to myself.
He isn't the man I once knew..if he ever was. And he will never be that man again..whether he comes out of this or not. And who knows how long that might take. I could waste 10 years of my happiness waiting for his cheating, two faced a##. He's no better than Tiger Woods, or Jesse James or Mel Gibson..or any of the other guys who think that hurting people who have been there for you and given everything to support you, love you, try to make you happy..that hurting and betraying them is ok..it's just not. Of course I still love him, but I just can't let him do this to me anymore.
