Not "tired" of your sitch, CD. Just home very sick today. Woke up at 2am with the sweats, went to bed, and then woke up again at 4am with the chills worse than I've EVER had I put on sweatpants, a t-shirt, a long-sleeved shirt, and a hooded sweatshirt, and my wife put a sheet, a blanket and TWO heavy quilts on me, and I STILL couldn't get warm! My teeth were actually chattering in bed for more than an hour. Then I woke up with the SWEATS again, and then the chills, and now the sweats.
Oh, and Chicken noodle soup (extra noodles) and a few chili flakes or cayenne in it.
If you are really, ADVENTUROUS (old family secret) add 1 teaspoon of ketchup per bowlful. Yes, ketchup. You'll be surprised. It adds enough tang so you can actually taste the soup.
It's GO TIME right now in my life and I need all the advice and support I can get.
We're supposed to "talk" today and she leaves for "Infidelus Vacationus" in the morning. And I'm sure she'll be staying with him tonight. So this will be my last chance to see her face to face.
So if there is a Dobson/Gucci or PDT hybrid I need to lay out there today, I need to memorize it NOW.
And still planning the "Interuptus text" in the morning.
I'm just hoping she hasn't caught on and plans to pre-empt my exposure with an admission. Unlikely but I'd be stuck with "bottom hand" again.
Oddly, she planned to stay here tonight. Mostly out of guilt for D.
She texted wherther she should make dinner. I said sure.
Then, she asks if she should pick up D from daycare. I said "Already done"
Then, over dinner, she goes into why she said ''Rules are rules. I said yes I did. Over Fathers Day.
So she goes on to say I can have her on the 24th as I requested but need to be back a day early. No problem.
I said please text it so I have it.
The she pulls the separation agreement out. She made some revisions (clearly not in her words) and has them ready to sign (somehow thinking a Sep Agreement frees her from guilt. We will only be signing, not filing. Not that it matters.)
I say "let me review the changes. I don't think we need to do this today."
But now I'm thinking I should get her autograph as there is nothing in there that can hurt me and, in fact, she included a cluase that legal counsel can be sought "if either parent believes Calla is in jepoardy" Her examples were drug addictio (I laughed internally at 'PEA')
I've removed the property section and simply sated "Until all documents and statements are presented, this Asset/Debt Section will remain empty and added as Addendum when required" (Leaves me room for the Excemption Bomb later)
I think today would be a good time to give the 'Letting Go" speech. Let her try to sleep on that one. Then drop the Interruptus while their travelling.
It was funny. I asked her about the Call atravelling thing she added and she started to cry. She thought I could just pop into the States undetected. I said "Why would I do that?" "I just have this feeling I'm gonna get screwed somehow" (no pun intended, I'm sure)
So, she's off to pick up a couple last minute items with D. I'm gonna make the changes and have the sheet and speech ready.
I hope to get second opinions ASAP or I''l do what I can and post later.
So I've done the revisions. I'll present them for signature.
Tomorrow morning, when I see they have left, I'll send am interruptus text.
I'll move my non-necessary possessions out.
I'll speak with the owner at their work
I'll call her mom and aunt.
I'll clean the house and call some realtors.
I'll have family over Saturday for a little get together.
I'll see if I can get to his parents
Q: should I confront W and OM before I go to the rest of their world? Or pre-emptive strike?
I'm having confidence issues as I'm not so sure I'd take her back if the A ended. My motivation for ending the A is to get her thinking clearly in order to properly choose Divorce or Reconcile.
I'm fairly certain that I'd entertain it if she came around but I'm so P'd at her for what she is doing it'll be really hard to connect to her.
And taking her back? What does THAT say about me? Other than I was serious about "better or worse". .
Will that be enough for me?
I gues I'm not sure if I'm motivated enough to care whether she comes back or not. Her future will likely be miserable. I'll feel like I'm "saving" her and I can't say she deserves my help at this moment.
The disrespect and selfishness she is displaying is numbing.
CD, sorry you didn't get any responses earlier. Personally, I've been dealing with a migraine all afternoon. Blech. I know PDT is sick... It sounds like you've handled everything just fine though!
I've been having some of the same thoughts about H that you are having about W. Maybe it's a tad easier for me because I only suspect EA and there's no proof on infidelity at this juncture - to consider full reconciliation. I just can't shake the feeling that a man couldn't do this to his wife of almost 20 years without another woman involved somehow... Can you take her back all things considered? Remember just as W's emotions are fickle, yours are too. I think all LBS's go through this feeling once they've done the work to get themslves healthy and GAL of their own! Thankfully, you don't have to make this decision right now. But to know you have a choice rather than just being driven by fear of losing the M is a good thing.
Looking at your steps above, I feel you are right on target with your plans!
Oh - and I vote for pre-emptive strike but I guess it depends on whether or not someone else will tell her you know before YOU get to tell her you know. ??? I'm not the expert on this.
I'm in a real pressure cooker and D-Day is tomorrow to set the ball in motion. Once it's rollong, I can't stop it.
And if you only get one chance, I want my BEST chance of success.
And, if I knew the A was over and there was true remorse and I could FEEL " My Hunney" was back, I'd probably be an idiot not to try. That was my commitment to "us" almost 4 years ago.
ANd I don't take these things likely.
My greatest asset and greatest weakness is my loyalty.
I'm going to hint at it in the text tomorrow. After they know I know (but not how much), then they can come back to all the questions and pressures.
See how strong this A is?
And is she gonna be "pi##ed"
I better get my thick slin on and get used to biting my tonque to not retaliate. My strength will be in NOT talking.
