How To Tell The Kids

[Ready2Change]

We all have lots of choices when responding. Reviewing your "bills convo", there was no agreement reached.

she asks me write a check to pay the babysitter.

Glad you saw the opportunity.

I said, "ok,

Right there you agreed to pay it. I would have delayed this....

but Since our court date has been delayed, I would like to come to some kind of an agreement as to how the bills are going to be split going forward. 50/50 works for me."

Less words is always better.

another option:
Since our court date has been delayed, I would like discuss how to split the bills fairly until the court date. What are your thoughts?"

W: I can't pay 50% of the bills.

Me: OK, make a proposal as to what you can pay.
Then she started to get heated and loud.

W: I'm not talking about this. You are just doing this because you are mad!

She intentionally changing the direction of the conversation, drawing you into a argument. Coach gave a good response.

Me: No, I am just tired of financing all of your entertainment. I have been paying all the bills and you need to start paying your share.

Avoid ALL or NOTHING statements....Use specifics. "I have been paying the mortgage, the utilities, and insurance...."

W: You haven't been paying all the bills. I paid the cable bill and bought groceries and have been running out to buy coke.

Me: I've paid for your car repairs, insurance, utilities, furniture, electronics, mortgage, etc., etc.

Good time to Validate. "Yes I understand that you pay for these things. We are discussing the joint bills that need to be paid and Who pays what until we go to court. "

Me: Ok, let's write it all down going forward and keep track of it.

W: Ok, well then I'm getting the court date moved up.

Me: Good. I wanted this to go today. Get it moved up!

W: I can't pay 50% and you know, I don't get paid for the work I do around here.

Missed a chance to tell her that she needs to get a job that she gets paid for then! Go full time!!

Me: Ok, make a proposal on what you can afford. 60/40? 70/30? I'm not paying the mortgage BABYSITTER until we have an agreement in place and you pay your share.

Time for you to walk away......