You're still married. Still having intimacy. Still communicating in some fashion. That's a whole lot better than my DB signature.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Perhaps if these dates are sensitive to you, they are to him as well. I think it might benefit you to take a step back and see how far you have come, take a breather from how far you have to go type of thoughts. You are incredible, don't ever forget that.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kalni, I'm sure this has been discussed before...I don't remember. My interpretation of his failure to say ILY is precisely because he DID say it to OW. Could he feel ashamed of throwing those precious words around in an affair? Perhaps he really hesitates to use them now, not fully trusting his own judgement? Some men clam up when they get tangled up. With so much scrutiny of the "progress" in piecing, it's understandable to me that he would hold back spontaneous expressions like that. IMO 8 months is not actually that long given the timeline of your sitch.
(((Hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
How I can identify with that remark. One I often stated about any counselor I had. With my charming vivacious wit and wiles I often steered the course of my direction. Oh yes.. and that inherent obstinacy, too
Some counselors are better than others. Different counselors work better for different people.
And I think it's more about learning and trusting than it is about being led. And half of it is learning how to trust yourself.
Why do I harp on this? Because of the photos of you in Switzerland with the family. The pain in your smile said it all.
Gypsy, with the exception of one C I met, 3 years ago that immediately told me to divorce H and she would help me detach, the ones I have been seeing -I feel- can do very little for me now. It has all become very...personal now (sounds funny I know).
Switzerland was good. I think that smile you saw is sticking with me forever.
Journaling I have been keeping busy taking the kids swimming every night till after 10 all week. Work has actually become interesting- new things-new people, sharing an office with 3 men makes it...fun. They call me all sorts of things like sweetie, hot mama etc and it's funny how they've all relaxed seeing I am no "female" material and count me already as a pal, one of them... (men really love my straight forward attitude and crude LOL- sense of humor)(ask John if you dont believe me-LOLOL)
H has been OK. Drives me mad with his pretending "all is well" attitude. Working on a few things of my own: not letting anxiety put a hole in my stomach for one, focusing on positive things, looking at the big picture and most of all trying to be precise and direct when I want something. Having a bit of difficulty controlling how sincere I should be so that I dont become cruel.
H told me that I am still aggressive and no matter how much I try that is something that I havent changed. I think he misses the whole "being hurt" thing but I am being more careful of my reactions.
He seems to be happy -he told me so- living like we do with the slow progress we achieve and keeping things calm. Connection is limited, we have returned to famliar routines avoiding the hurtful ones of the past. At least most of the times.
He again told me "I make him feel he does all the wrong things" which is a HUGE red flag. But I am not buying it this time. All I tell him is how I feel. He wants me "toget over it" but without doing his work. He said I am a logic machine. Have heard that before in a different context. I realised that he has never "seen" the real me or if he has, he probably thought it was a rare occasion. Being so programmed to be independend, strong, self sufficient and "hands on" woman, I have created a profile that is only part of me and not who I am. It's interesting that there have been some people in my life that know me and H isnt one of them. I am thinking maybe he refuses to see my vulnerable side because that would mean he did hurt me more than he can take. Maybe...
Working on me me me has become so tiring. I need a break of some kind. Take care all, K
I am totally the same way. Most people see me as logical and no nonsense type of gal, which you have to be as a good science teacher where males usually reign, but many of my close friends know there is so much more to me and I am not as independent as I show.
It is definitely hard to let go of the independence with H because for so long he forced you to be that way so it will take time for him to see you differently.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
We had a convo with H, I am loosing my memory and told him the last 3 years were very hard on me, not just him, my dad's sickness has really cost me a lot. While talking to him, I started getting upset and told him :and to think that all those nights I needed you and told you so when I first found out about my dad, you were saying you were at work and you were living with her, how the h$ll could you do that?"... But I wasnt aggresive, more of a "stunned you could do that granted you are so nice and back home now" thing, he nodded and said "Maria, I really dont know how I did those things...". I left it at that.
