P- I've asked some folks to join in on your thread, and it looks like you're getting some good advice. I have some pointed advice for you, too. Please read:
If you want people to (continue to) respond to your thread, please do the following to help yourself. All of this is meant to help you, so don't take it as criticism , ok?
- put paragraph breaks in- it's overwhelming to read your posts!
- you don't need to keep repeating your situation - folks on here know to look at your first posts to get the background- if you keep repeating it, people will not be able to wade through it all and will miss new, important information and details.
- did you see the comparison about your students who won't listen when you're giving them golf advice? People here are VERY compassionate and empathetic, but if you don't try to help yourself a little by taking some of their suggestions, it becomes difficult for them to keep trying to support old, dysfunctional behavior.
- you need to start helping yourself. I saw someone put up a goal that you would not contact XW for a day. Start small. Post your goals here and follow through. If you mess up, it's ok, but take time to analyze- on here if you like- what prevented you from attaining your goal.
- Have you read Divorce Remedy? If not, please get a copy. I'd also recommend you get some stuff on co-dependency. I think there might be a book called something like Co-dependent No More?
- if you have the ability, post to a few people's threads. It can be just "hi, just dropping in and reading your thread. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. I'm new here so don't have much to offer in the way of advice just yet, but I'll be following along." Copy and paste my words if you want. That will give people a way to find your posts and thread and people usually respond on yours when you post on their thread (and I recommend adding a link to your thread in your signature line, too, so people can find it).
- read through some of the basic material and threads on this site. There is a lot of good advice out there that will help and pertain to you.
I am concerned about your daughter. I'm glad she's with the grandparents, but she needs 2 adult parents in her life. How old is she? How often do you see her? You need to help yourself so you can parent her through this- she needs you now more than ever and I see both you and XW focusing much more on your own problems and issues than talking about taking care of your D.
I am concerned about you. you say you're seeing an IC - how often? I'm not sure it's helping you given some of the stuff you post. Do you feel it is? You need to bring all of this up with him/her, including your suicidal feelings of a couple weeks ago. You must start helping yourself now.
I'd like to see you do the following- it's a long list, so only tackle one thing at a time if you need to:
- stop answering XW's calls and texts. Just stop. She has a husband that should be her primary support and the more you engage, the more backsliding you'll do.
- Start seeing your IC more often and address all the stuff you've posted there. If the IC is worth anything they'll be trying to help you and work on this stuff with you. If they're not, get a new one.
- Do any of the following (I know you've done some of this already) on a daily basis. If it's too big, break it down (find ideas for this in Divorce Remedy, but e.g., for the dr. one below, daily goals broken down could be: 1) make the appt. 2) write down questions for doc 3) go to appointment:
- do not spend prolonged time by yourself, alone in your house. - visit your D if you can or talk to her on phone. Kids have a wonderful way of helping us get our priorities straight. - see and talk to your friends. - make an appt with the dr. who prescribed your meds ASAP and discuss whether you're on the right dosage and med. - pick 1 activity you would like to do besides golf and try it- could be as simple as going to the movies. - read Michelle's book and do all the exercises about 180's and cheeseless tunnels (you'll understand when you read). If you feel you've already done it, do it again. - post goals here and feel free to write out all your emotions, but you also need to read what people have been writing- it's REALLY good advice and it's meant to be digested by you and put into action.
