From what I have read, MLC is because of childhood issues such as
alcoholic father and making the daughter or mother in my case both feel worthless. Maybe just alcoholic isn't enough. Have
you ever met an alcoholic that was not abusive/neglectful of
their family. Every alcoholic I have met fits that template.
Never feeling good enough in her fathers eyes. Then the time bomb has been activated and will go off on a final trigger. That is what happened to me. If I married you? Guess what? If I can get through this and my wife is gone for good with no chance of coming back, then the next woman I date may be one with childhood issues.
I owe it to myself to then learn about her and her past. Especially her childhood. I am sorry, but you may be and seem like you are a wonderful woman, but if you have not had MLC yourself, then if I were you I would read up on it as much as possible. From what I have read, very few and I mean very few get
through this without significant damage to themselves and spouse.
I may be attracted to you and can't imagine life without you.
Then what the hell am I going to do. The love is blind thing!
I have been there with girlfriends before I got married and
they were already messed up by then. They were cute, sure!
Started falling in love with them. They already had cheating behaviors. Why is it that all the ones that I started falling for
all had messed up dads? See where I am going here? I discovered the cheating behaviors before I got too involved. Those women must be a mess by now. The one I married had the time bomb.

My wife has reached a point in her life where hormones (perimenopause),stress, etc. Just helped blow her apart. I love her. I know she is in the shell because I get glimpses of her occasionally. We have even made love twice since she filed. Both
times my wife is not present. She initiated but a blow-up doll comes to mind. Not that I know how that feels either I just know they (blow-up dolls) exist. The feelings she has for me have been shut down. Heard that yesterday from her. I also know that she loves me. She has said that multiple times too. But they love you like a brother or cousin. The intimate love stuff is
gone. When they get through this, they figure it out. Then things
are left for both to grow and love even more again. Forgiveness has to be given freely for both to move on. I am still trying to grasp this stuff. I think I am close though. Heartsblessing on this board was the person I had to read all of the threads on and
see a bunch of this. It was well worth it for me to spend that time looking at her experience with herself and husband. I don't know for sure but I am guessing both had childhood issues because both went into MLC from what she wrote.
If you meet a clone of your H that does not have childhood issues, that is in your favor. You may (or do) have the timebomb in you and that is why I would read as much as I can on MLC with women. My childhood was great. Parents loved me and I loved them.
I am low risk MLC. Why could I not find someone similar to me?
That would be the lowest risk of all. I chose my wife knowing
she had an alcoholic father and rescued her from it. Not on
purpose, because we dated for several years first. I wanted
to be sure this was the one for me. We shared everything and
built a friendship and we then moved more and more romance in
our times together. Fell in love and I don't regret it. Never did. Don't regret it now. My wife is sick. I want to help her.
She deserves the help. I don't know if she would do the same for me. This crap is not for the timid. It is irrelevant if she did or did not do the same for me.

I still can't find what is going on in the head of an MLC'r. I just read on posts that "You don't want to know". Great. That tells me squat! Supposedly when my wife comes out of this and
I am still coherent, she will share a lot of it to me if she feels secure and unthreatened.
Sorry for the long post but I don't have all the answers either.
I feel a lot of time that I know a bunch and find I know nothing.
That makes me dig even deeper for info and I always discover and relate to something new. I want to help others out there that are
struggling. It is kind of a journaling thing for me. Heck my wife is journaling thing to find herself. Why can't I hop that bus too.
is doing the journalling