This is from Overcomming Infidelity Waterbur.. you will do best to read the whole eBook, but this part is particularly important to you since your H isnt' following through... :
I put the important parts in bold for you
Most people just want life to return to normal after an affair. And most people know that normal, as they once knew it, is dead and gone. Reconciliation is more than just coming ho me and taking up wher e you left off. It r equires a deep level of honesty about the affair, how it began, what kept it alive, and how it was hidden from you. Recover y requires setting in place precautions and co nd itio ns that protect you from a repeat performance œ either with the current affair partner o r someone else. No one can guarantee that another affair will never happen œ but we can make it much le ss l ikel y a nd we ca n create conditions that alert us as soo n as something begins to go awry. These ar e the things negotiated during Reconciliation Phase. Of all the Phases for overcoming infidelity, Reconciliation is per haps the most counterintuitive and the one where exper t professio nal help can give you the mo st benefit.
Once you‘ve negotiated the hows and whens o f Reconciliation, the real work o f Healing beg ins. You may ne ed to r ebuild your marriage from t he ground up. As daunting as that sounds, it is the chance to have the marr iage of yo ur dreams. Havin g survived a trauma of tremendous proportio ns can give yo u the clarity of vision to live yo ur life and
your marr iage with intentio n crafting your dreams into reality.
