Making progress and reconnecting.....ayieee

[koliver0821]

I dont know why there is so much fuss about giving into her. HOWEVER, there is no reason why you couldn't set additional boundaries of integrity. If it is important for you to feel safe, then say that's how you feel. I think what get's lost in how all of this get's translated is actual feelings.

Cajun- When you spoke to her about her dealings with the OM, did you get all the information you needed to hear from her about the affair? I mean all of it. Yes she could lie and most likely will.

I went through a similar situation. I had to put on the big boy pants regarding digging for information that was tearing me apart in the inside. My wife and I ended our separation and began to work on ourselves as well as our relationship. I set boundaries and asked tons of questions regarding the affair. Its funny how much you can tell about your partner once your eyes are open. I knew at times she was holding something back. I told her that. If you can't be honest with me, I told I wasn't sure I could feel comfortable working on our relationship. I must have said that phrase 100's of times.

For a long time you neglected your own feelings and went after the woman you called your wife. SHE IS NOW SOMEONE ELSE. Get to know her, be cautious, and be you.

My wife told me the same things. I suppose I took it at face value. I told her she had been duped by this guy (as was I). At the start, he had a plan. It escalated. Much like you probably hear about Internet Predators. This is exactly what he is. He got my wife to justify the affair by saying his wife was cheating on him. My wife believed him.

I said to her, "Did you ever for one second think that he was leading you all the time? That he was lying about his own marriage situation to justify his actions as well as yours?"

As people have said. Its an addiction. Some people deal with their sour grapes in different ways. I bottled my issues with my wife up. It truly ate at me more than I realized. It made me inactive or unable to handle things without getting loud. She did the same. However, she also went the extra step to have an affair. As you have heard from countless people, it takes time to rebuild this and if she continuously gets heated when it comes up, go back to "I can understand why you feel that way" and then go back to your boundaries.

Be MR. Cajun!!