Well, I tried starting a new thread on 6/9 but kept getting traffic on my old one. It is now locked so I have no choice. Thanks to all for following along!
Journaling;
Not much new going on. W is possibly taking some baby steps. She has not said anything about the R, but some of her actions indicate she may be trying. Or, she may be playing nice to see how long I will continue to put up with it. IDK.
For instance, she will txt me when she is leaving work from her waitress job she got a couple of weeks ago. Fri. and Sat. she was supposed to work until ten and she called both nights saying it wasn't busy and was coming home.
Sunday, she got home from work @noon and the kids and I were still at church. We had dinner at the hall for our priest who is retiring. When we got home, she asked if I cared if she went to her mom and dad's to check their garden.(They are on vacation) I said, no problem. She took the twins and I stayed home with the two little ones.
When she got home, she started making supper. I asked if I could help. She said she had it under control. So, while she was cooking, I set the table and got everything else ready. We made some small talk and when I was done I went outside to play with the kids. We all ate together, with some great fresh tomatoes and zuchini, and had a pleasant time. Afterwards, I helped clear the table and then went back outside.
Later, after we put the kids to bed, I came in the living room and told her good-night. She asked if I was going to bed so early. I just said I was tired, and was going to read for a while. She said good-night and I went to bed and she took her usual place on the couch.
So.....I know what I have to continue doing. I don't want to file for D simply because of the money involved. That being said, I am ready to do so. I'm sure she doesn't think I will go through with it and it does have her worried. She went crying to her sister worried that I was going to "try to take the kids from her." Why would a mother who has done nothing wrong be scared to lose her kids? My L suggested giving her a couple of weeks to digest things and then filing if she had not commited to rebuilding our M. We'll see. We have not had any R talks. Tonight she has a school board meeting so we'll see what happens after that.
W called and asked me to take off the day of the twins' b'day. It is in Aug. and she wants us all to go do something.
Not that big of a deal but she has not included me in anything in the last 6mos.
I realize this is happening since I talked to a L. If I back off, she will, too. I have to keep moving forward and continue doing the right thing for me and my kids.
W got home from school board meeting at midnight. She said she txt me that she forgot to tell me she had a meeting and I said I left my phone at work, didn't get txt. When I got to work this a.m., there is one from her at 9:40 saying-meeting is over going for a beer.
Just adding this to the archives in case it may make a difference somewhere down the line.
"So, obviously you r pissed once again. Joe and Jim wanted to talk to me last night after the meeting so we went for a beer. I txt you to tell you that only this morning when you left so early did I remember you left your phone at work."
I waited an hour and just txt back
been really busy here. boss is off today and asked if i could come in early. i have no idea what time you got home i was in bed at 10:30.
I should have come here to ask for a better response but I guess it's good enough.
Not sure if there is anything to be discerned from this.
Same here. I guess I'm still looking too hard for what Coach says are "missed opportunities". If I am detached for real, it doesn't matter to me. If she is trying, she has a long way to go. I didn't make a big deal of it and I won't when I get home tonight. In fact, I don't plan on bringing it up at all.
I know, and she knows what needs to happen if she plans on working on things. I don't want to overlook anything but I don't want to jump up and down for joy over nothing, either.
Do you have a boundary in place about her going out for beers with other men?
She's mind reading and telling you how you feel and think.
Lead
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The two other men she said she was with were the school board pres. and v.p. Maybe to talk to her about her and the super's behaviour. I'm sure I will find out.
I'm sure I was not specific enough on my boundary about this. I told her I am not okay with her staying out after 1:00 am and not calling me and telling me where she was is not acceptable to me. She did txt but claims she forgot I left my phone at work.
So she did respect the boundary somewhat. It's my fault for not taking a tougher stance as usual.
The only leverage I have as far as consequences are that I will file for D myself. It did scare her that I went to see a L. Obviously, not enough.
