So last night W gets home after taking the kids and 2 of their friends to Great America theme park yesterday. All the kids tickets were free or paid for by their parents.
The kids were very excited and I was excited with them. The park was not very busy and they got to go on a lot of rides, including the rollercoasters, which usually have long lines.
W is in a very good mood and starts telling me all about it. Then she gets into the fact that one of the kids didn't have any of her own money to spend, so W ended up buying everything for her, which was ok at first, but this girl then complained about everything she was given....ALL DAY LONG. She always wanted the upgrade, bigger sandwich, bigger ice cream, etc. I showed empathy for her and decided that I wouldn't bring up the $ issue that night. She told me that she spent at least $25 on this friend. I imagine that she spent about that on all the kids. Again, we can't afford to live separate, but we can spend all kinds of money on entertainment, even for other people's kids!
So this morning, I am going down the stairs and she asks me write a check to pay the babysitter. I said, "ok, but since our court date has been delayed, I would like to come to some kind of agreement as to how the bills are going to be split going forward. 50/50 works for me."
W: I can't pay 50% of the bills.
Me: OK, make a proposal as to what you can pay.
Then she started to get heated and loud.
W: I'm not talking about this. You are just doing this because you are mad!
Me: No, I am just tired of financing all of your entertainment. I have been paying all the bills and you need to start paying your share.
W: You haven't been paying all the bills. I paid the cable bill and bought groceries and have been running out to buy coke.
Me: I've paid for your car repairs, insurance, utilities, furniture, electronics, mortgage, etc., etc.
Me: Ok, let's write it all down going forward and keep track of it.
W: Ok, well then I'm getting the court date moved up.
Me: Good. I wanted this to go today. Get it moved up!
W: I can't pay 50% and you know, I don't get paid for the work I do around here.
Missed a chance to tell her that she needs to get a job that she gets paid for then! Go full time!!
Me: Ok, make a proposal on what you can afford. 60/40? 70/30? I'm not paying the mortgage until we have an agreement in place and you pay your share.
W: Ok, then let's not pay any of the bills.
Me: Ok.
W: You are the finance whiz. You can probably figure out what I can afford to pay.
Me: It is not my job to figure out how to finance your divorce. What was your attorney going to propose today?
W: I don't know.
Me: That is part of the problem.
W: So you are saying you are not going to pay the mortgage?
Me: Not until we have an agreement in place.
Later she is in the kitchen with me and says something about me moving out. I said, you are the one who wants the divorce, you move out. She said I'm not going anywhere and goes back upstairs to finish getting ready for work.
Before I leave for work, I go upstairs and say, "I didn't meant to yell about this stuff, but you got all belligerent with me. All I want is an agreement on what we are each going to pay, similar to what we would have gotten in court today. Think about it today and we can talk tonight."
W says - "are you going to write a check for the babysitter then ($80). So I say yes. She says, "Ok, then you can take $30 out of my purse. So I did.
When I left she was still upstairs and I said "Bye." She also said bye.
She is going to stew on this all day and it is going to eat her-up.
