For the last few months I have been hoping and praying that my H would just start being NICE to me, and now he has the last couple of times we have had contact. WHY then does this bother me that he is being so nice?!
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
WHY then does this bother me that he is being so nice?!
B/c you think he's got an agenda. You don't trust that he's being nice "just because". That's would be my take anyway....
Take it for what is is, his being nice. Stop trying to be "psychic" and read between the lines. It will make you nuts. If there's something else "put on the table", trust that you can and will handle whatever it is then.
It was easier to understand why H didn't want me, to be anywhere near me when he was spewing hatefulness toward me. I could rationalize that it was the fog of MLC that had him THINKING he hated me. Now that he is being nice, I question if he is really even in a MLC. Maybe he is simply a WAS.
I am just having such a rough time lately and can't pull myself out of it. I know I am over-analizing and focusing too much on H, but I am in so much pain- confusion and loneliness...
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
I've been here awhile and I don't know if my H is a WAS or MLC. I finally got to a place it doesn't matter. I do what I do for me, our D's and oddly enough, for him. Not in the way you may think though. Not out of a drive to "win him back" etc. It's b/c this is exactly what I'd do for my best friend. When it's all said and done, I have to live with me.
WAS, MLCer, whatever your H is does not matter right now. What matter right now is YOU. This is hard sh*t. It is. Listen to Grace...
Your focus should be on getting to that place that it does not matter. THis takes time. You will get there. Don't rush it.
DB'ing must become a way of life for you. For me personally, it just happened one day. So please be gentle on yourself and really and I mean really go find out who Rlay really is.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Rlay, My wife does the same thing to me. She asked me if any women at the healthclub have said anything to me. (About losing weight or looking better because I look 15 years younger-so I have been told) I told her "Several women have commented on how good I look but Im not interested in any of them". The next day she asks "Y'know the women that noticed you?" I said "Yes?" "Can u tell me their names?" I responded no. What she wants, is to be able to tell all of her "get a divorce buddies" He has a girlfriend already so it is a good thing I went through with this. It is guilt for the A they are having because they can't stand it. Can't speak for your H but I see justifying all his crap so he can ride guilt free.
One day it does not matter what they say or do. That is where you want to be. Just sayin...
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
H's A with OW seems to be coming to an end (maybe). They are exchanging nasty messages to each other on their secret Ms pages. Well, actually, SHE is being mean and he is acting like a wooped pup- "I wish you luved me half as much as you do him". blah He supposedly went and got drunk last night.
I texted him today asking if he was okay since he never even bothered to call the boys this past weekend (after he promised he would take them to some kind of bike race). Now, I know that he was too busy fixated on his OW and trying to keep the A going, he probably didn't even give the promise he'd made to his kids a second thought. He didn't text me back, which is odd- he usually does. He deactivated his FB page (an addiction of his), but then reactivated it 5 hours later.
I wonder what happens next? He falls into a deeper depression and this is his push on through the tunnel? I hope so. I am feeling very hurt that he feels so much love for this young girl who is such a...bad person. He even mentions in some of his messages to her that she treats him [badly] and he feels like her doormat. That is exactly how I feel about him:-( WHY does he love her so much he is depressed that she doesn't really want him? WHY isn't he depressed that he doesn't have me in his life anymore? I have been his SO for 11 years...but that seems to mean little to him, but she can be some little tramp and have him feeling so much love he is willing to lose everything for her. ::sigh::
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
