Just for fun, I'm going to post what W originally sent me to drop the bomb. I reread it a couple of days ago and, despite the content I first got from it, I actually wish she was behaving as she sounded then as opposed to now. My current understanding was when she wrote this she was getting deeper in the EA. She likely began thinking of the EA in December. I think he was the tipping point.
April 24 "I guess we have always communicated best by e-mail or letters. It always seems to be easier to talk to you on a serious note, and tempers don't flare.
In the past 3 years our relationship has taken a hit for the worst. We have tried to fix it many times and it still is not ever where it was. We used to love each other, talk normally to each other. Since we decided to have Calla things have completely changed. You have said and blamed many things on our relationship. Your job, Reno's, your new job, the house, calla, money..... truth is these are all regular things in life. unfortunately those things have changed us and everything about us! I don't know what to do, we have tried to make this work, and tried to change it. I have different feelings for you. Feelings are something I cant change... I have tried. When I said that on New Years I figured you would understand due to our circumstances. I look thru some of my diary pages and noticed I have been unhappy for many years. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have both changed, we both have a beautiful daughter that WE brought into this world. I love you for that, I truly do. I am not IN love with you. I have tried very hard to get that feeling back.
Sept 23rd 2007 - diary entry: I think today is the end of my marriage to CD. We had a huge fight last night. This decision is the hardest decision I think i am making. I can no longer live, love, and be happy like I once used to ....
Jan 3rd 2010 - diary entry: Ok so I have told CD my feelings have changed for him, but I don't know what to say. I love CD, but I'm not in love with him anymore That sounds harsh.... I have fallen out of love with you... Our relationship priorities are gone... I need things you don't need...I need sex, love and desire. You have told me it will change many times. It has yet to change. I cant do this anymore. I don't think I want this anymore. The flame is burnt out. It crushes me this didn't work out, I never wanted this to end this way. Calla my poor angel, I feel horrible. I know you need to see me happy and I'm sorry I'm not. I think I need out to see if the feelings come back.
Dec 2009 Diary entry -
I have come to the conclusion, CD and I are in different places in our lives. I wouldn't change the past for anything and Calla was the best thing from it. CD and I were attracted to one another at one point, but back in 2007 things took a turn for the worst. CD would tell me he loved me,and I felt it. CD would tell me things to make me feel wanted, needed, secure. Those things are non existent now. I don't understand. What did I do. Why did everything stop. When I found out I was having Calla every things stopped. I cant do this to me or him, my feelings are gone.... what do I do pretend. I'm done pretending, I need to move on with my life. I don't hate CD, I never will.
CD I think we need to talk, I need your help as a friend. I don't want a fight or a yelling match, I just need you to understand where I'm coming from. I would like to hear your thoughts and feelings on this relationship and what we need to do. -W"
