Tay, I have read so much on this and I still feel like I don't know squat. I am an analyzer of problems and of course I think I can fix this. Fix what? Fix myself, which is what I would have to do if this divorce goes through. I know I can't fix the alien. They speak martian. Really, when they talk they bait you for arguments and want to declare war. My wife really is in MLC and how do I know? The psychotherapist is behind me with what I say. For instance, my wife will come home from the therapist and not say anything about the visit. I have never tried to pry and find out "How did it go?" Or anything like that. I learned early on that would be pressure. Then what happens is a day or to later she says Dr. so and so said this might have something to do with my dad! Then she said you are like my dad! I am nothing like her dad. He was an alcoholic and treated her mom like crap. I noticed this when I was dating her 20 years ago. After we engaged, I not only was in love with her, but I was her knight in shining armor and took her away from the mess there. I felt good about that but that was not why I married her. She really is a wonderful woman, but nobody gave me the heads up on this BS. We were envied by all of our friends and relatives on the wonderful relationship we had. Everything I read was this is a time bomb that WILL happen and just needs a trigger. I think the trigger was a stressful move to our home 2.5 years ago. My point is, the therapist asks her about her childhood and never asked me anything like that even once. All I get is be the best YOU you can be. So now I do 99% of laundry, dishes, etc. Along with the maintenance of the place. Mowing, fixing and entertaining and transport of my 3 boys. I don't mind so much because I love them very much too. My wife is very much like an android alien in the home. She pretty much does her own thing. She makes her presence known and then goes to work out on an elliptical machine. (She is not working out for me of course! That would be silly!)That is the "Im getting old" part of this that she thinks is happening to her.
She will give me little hints of what is on her mind and what I have read about is their mind is a mess. I still have not found out what is going on in her head. Just yesterday I told her I wish I could live in her head for a couple hours or maybe a day. She told me I would go nuts with the mayhem that is happening. At times she is confused and even says things that do not make sense. For instance, "What Christmas eve service are we going to go to?" and I say "What?" and she says "What Christmas eve service are we going to?" and I say "Christmas eve?" then she looks at me in sheer shock of what she said and it turns into a scared panic look. Um... this was just this last friggin' 4th of July weekend that she said this. These instances of weirdness have been rare in the last six months but I can think of about 3 instances like that. Her voice will trail off and I will act as if nothing happened. My wife is an extremely intelligent woman. When the tractor beam is on, all bets are off. So... GAL.... I think you asked. With 3 boys and a job and a home and a MLC wife, How can you get a life? When the boys are in school I workout. Lost 40+ lbs from 215 down to 170 ish. Yup the LBS diet. At least I did not have to do drugs (AD). Also attend church and bible study. I could not make it without my faith. I have hobbies, but on backburner cause I can't seem to get my head in it yet. That WILL change one way or another. Other women have noticed me now but I don't notice them much. I know that I could bail at anytime and find love again but of course that is not going to work for me at this point. My wife is sick. I am going to take care of her as much as it takes. If she was full of cancer, I would not hesitate to take care of her. If the divorce happens, this is not over. It will just be more mess for me to clean up. I can tell you love your husband very much and I feel for you. Nobody I know understands this thing except for this board. It helps me to be here and vent to you too. Remember this: If you start getting angry and want to do something that is going to be a risk to your long term relationship with your husband, STOP! Give yourself a couple days to think it through. That saved me from making this more of a mess than it already is.
