Well now that little problem is over I wanted to give a quick recap and then my current situation.
We have will be married 16 years in August, together 21. we have to young teenage Daughters. This is not the first time he has said he wants a divorce,the first time was 2 years ago in May 2008, that first time I was completely blindsided, I had no idea he felt this way. I found DB soon after and began DB. I got the I am not happy, and the I love you but not in love with you speach. I find my self in the same place 2 years later.
He mentioned Divorce 2 years later this May, same thing I am not happy, I love you but not in love with you. And now again he brought up divorce last Monday July 5th. He says he has waited to see if there was a change and doesnt see it...He thinks something is missing from the marraige, Yet he has done nothing to change how we interact or tell me what this change is he needs to see and feel in this marraige.
The past 2 times I tell him I agree we do need to work on and improve the marraige, he knows how I feel and I won't keep trying to change his mind. HE is so confusing because after each time he says he wants a divorce, I get upset, say what I have to say,start DB, and he starts to act like everything is fine, planning family fun days, doing things around the house, just acting like everything is fine and dandy. We do not fight and argue and maybe if we did it would be easier to undersand.
This past time a week ago, he did have more of a plan to divorce though. He wants us to get a mediator( hope I spelled that right) so we can use 1 person and do it together, and he wants to do the divorce in 90 days, to save money. He told me all of this one week ago and ever since he has not mentioned one word about it and is acting like everything is fine with us, we still sleep in the same bed, I am making him dinners and doing his laundry.
HELP!! Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Hi I am still looking to see if anyone has any suggestions or experience with working with a mediator. My Husband wants to share someone to file the divorce with to save money.
He has not brought up divorce again in the past week, in fact he is acting like everything is normal around here. I just want to be prepared if/when he does ask again. Is this something I should consider ? It doesnt feel right to me.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
My W wants to use a meadiator and I'm OK with it so far.
As long as the two of you can agree on the division of assets and custody of the kids you will save alot of money. Im in the process of negotiating with W on the financials, the kids are 50/50. She wanted them M-F and said I could have them on the weekends, how convenient for her. I told her I need to have them morethan that and we should keep the arrangiement the way it is.
I get them Saturday afternoon until Wednesday morning. That way I have a weekend night to enjoy and so does she.
Try to keep everything fair. If you do that then the mediator is good for your sitch.
Also have everything in order when going to see the M so they could draw up the contract. After the contract is drawn up take to your L to make sure their are no hidden items.
Hope this helps. Gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Shelby, I just read some of your previous posts and I'm wondering why on earth are you still sleeping in the same bed, making him meals and doing his laundry!!!! Stop these thing immediately!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
and what if I do not want a divorce I am just supposed to go along with it Like I do ??
He thinks that's the only solution. I'm sure you validated his feelings and essentially you need to drop the rope. I know it's hard, it took me awaile to do so, but once you do you could start building a healthy R.
Right now the things you are doing are pursuing.
Let go and live life for you and your kids.
I found out doing so is attractive. ( I'm looking in your direction Coach:))
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
well I got served today at work. I am still in shock. He has been acting totally fine all week. I can't believe he has done this. He said he wanted to do this together with a meadiator. I think he has lost it. Now what do I do????
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I didnt/haven't gone through what your experiencing. I did get the ILY But speech. However, if he served you. Get a lawyered up. STAT. He served you by talking to an attorney. he wants a "quickie" divorce because he doesnt want it to cost a bunch of money. Your answer, who cares. If you have joint lawyer, one that he found, who is to say he is working in your best interest? Hence, get your own attorney. Cover your butt as quickly as possible.
If he wants to truly find out what divorce is like, let him feel the full pain. Make him move out. Immediately. You can say something along the lines. Its obvious to me now that you truly mean what you have been saying all along. I am not sure why I wasn't getting it but now that I have, I think I will need to talk to my attorney to get my affairs in order..
You haven't mentioned anything specific regarding reasons as to why your marriage was rocky. Sadly, I got to the point that I think the main reason why marriages dont work is that communication is lacking at times and at those specific times, there is someone willing to listen to our spouses. They get involved and think the grass is greener.
Your husband needs to know that your arent available at his beck and call. Im not sure I my post is too late. Don't cancel your plans with your friend. It truly sounded like an ambush to me. He knows you will you come running.
Out of curiosity, what are his spending habits? Is he spending more money when he goes out or works late, etc??
Did I mention to get a Lawyer??? (I meant to say it 50 times)
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
